


Proximity

by creative_mind86



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Comfort, Complete, F/M, Female Loki, Hurt, Infinity Gems, Love, M/M, Nightmare, Quests
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 04:41:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 37,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4863539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creative_mind86/pseuds/creative_mind86
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘I know it’s you, Loki’, Thor said with a low voice.<br/>‘Excuse me?’ those were the first words that came out of Loki’s mouth. Silly and stupid words, but they just kissed and he was still somewhat overwhelmed by it.<br/>‘Stop the charade, I have been to the archive and know that Åse Edvaldsdottir doesn’t exist.’</p><p>This fic is written from Thor’s and Loki’s point of view. It starts after the Avengers Age of Ultron. Thor returns to Asgard and starts a quest to the Infinity Stones. He worries about his brother who fled when Odin found out he pretended to be him. Loki finds himself in a difficult situation. He suffers from a terrible nightmare and has no other place to turn to than Asgard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The fic is not beta read. I’m not native, so the English can be a bit rough here and there, but I hope you still like it!

The Midsummer Night Feast was well on his way when Thor excluded himself from the crowd and found a quiet spot between the pillars. Here he had a wide view over the attendees. Some of them were still wearing their mask which covered the upper half of the face, but most, like he, had removed it. Thor had asked his father if it was appropriate to hold a feast considering recent troubles, but Odin insisted. The Midsummer Night Feast was a tradition and the king didn’t want to raise any suspicion under the Asgardians and certainly not beyond their borders.

Joyful and up-beat, that was how Thor would describe the music that the band was playing now. Various couples were dancing. They all made the same movements. Almost at the same time the men twirled the women around, as if the whole group had practice it together. Thor knew this dance as well, he had to practice it when he was a young prince. He hated it then, but he was forced by his parents. His brother did not seem to mind as much as he and Thor remembered he even enjoyed it. Loki was always a better dancer than he, Thor never denied that. He even joked about it with his friends. Later in his life he envied his little brother, he always knew how to woo the women with a dance while Thor always avoided it as much as he could.

Thor took a sip of his ale. He thought about his brother a lot lately. When he returned to Asgard after he and the Avengers had dealt with Ultron his father told him he found out Loki pretended to be him while he was in his long sleep. Loki’s punishment was prison, but the Trickster escaped. At first Thor was angry. He was sure he witnessed his brother die in his arms. Such deceive was cruel, even for him. When the anger had passed he felt relieve and joy his brother was still alive. But worry soon mastered him. He couldn’t let the image go of his little brother wandering through the galaxy all on his own. Although Loki would not escape imprisonment on Asgard, at least he was safe here.

Thor startled when he felt a soft hand touching his shoulder.

‘It’s only me’, Sif said who joined him. ‘You’re skittish lately, what’s going on?’

‘I’m fine.’

Sif looked up to him. ‘No, you’re not.’

‘Will you not dance?’

‘Only if you will ask me.’

Thor looked at her daring eyes and smiled. He knew she disliked dancing as much as he. Sif wore a deep blue dress and had her long brown hair braided. The diamond earrings suited her well. It was seldom he saw his friend look like a “proper” lady. He liked it, but he wondered if she did as well.

‘Have you heard from the others yet?’

Sif shook her head. ‘Volstagg and Fandral aren’t back yet, but I know it’s not there Thor and you know as well.’

Thor clenched his hands into fists. ‘We have to search the whole galaxy, even the places we know well.’

Of course he knew Vanaheim was not in the possession of one of the Infinity Stones, but in order to cross it of his list he had to be certain. He had made a promise to the Avengers he would find out about the Gems and most importantly who was playing them. Upon this point he hadn’t found out much. He knew the Time and Soul Gem were not found yet and he wanted to be the first to claim them before the other player could. But that wasn’t all. Recently the Collector reported the Aether as stolen. Sif and Volstagg had brought it to him for safekeeping by order of the king, who was on that specific time Loki. By then the worry about his little brother only increased.

‘If you’re not asking me to dance, then I better get us some ale’, Sif said and swiftly left his side.

Thor peered into his cup, it was still half full. Somehow it angered him and with one gulp he found the bottom. When he looked up he saw a woman with long pitch-black hair approaching him. She wore a long sleeveless silver dress together with matching gloves which reached over her elbows. The black mask emphasized her cold, but intriguing grey eyes. He shivered, but not because he was cold.

She bowed when she approached him. ‘I want to greet you, my prince and ask you for a dance.’

Thor was a little stunned. It was not accustomed a woman introduced herself to the prince of Asgard and certainly not ask him to dance. He couldn’t answer her immediately and an awkward silence fell when she rose. When he realised he had stared longer into her eyes than appropriate he held out his hand to her and he heard himself say: ‘Of course, my lady.’

Suddenly his heart was in his throat when he led her to the dancefloor. He knew people were looking at them and all he could do was smile. ‘I have to warn you though, I’m not a good dancer’, he admitted while he pulled her close. He didn’t know why he told her, but somehow he felt he had to.

Thor was relieved the band had started to play slower songs, at least it was easier for him to keep up. He only now noticed that she was tall, almost as tall as he, and that predicted trouble. He had experienced dancing with tall women before and that never ended well. But when he pushed her into movement he was surprised how easy it went. She was light. After the first steps went well, he looked up into her eyes. They were pinned upon him and he felt his cheek redden. He could hear his dance teacher shout at him to look his partner into the eyes and never lower his gaze to his feet. It was an old and bad habit of him, one he thought he’d lost.

‘You haven’t told me your name, my lady’, he said with a voice more bold than he actually felt.

‘My name is Åse.’

‘And your family name?’

Åse lowered her eyes. ‘I can’t tell you.’

‘Why not?’

She looked around and then to him. ‘Not here.’

Thor frowned. He didn’t know what to make of this woman. First she came to him, to claim him, even though they never met before, and now she wasn’t even willing to answer a simple question. His blue eyes turned cold. ‘What do you want?’

‘Nothing, I just…’ Suddenly she stopped dancing. When they abruptly came to a halt Thor realised she was not only light, but also strong. She removed her mask. Her high cheekbones and round dark eyebrows were revealed to him. ‘I’m sorry, I should never have come here.’

Thor wanted to grab her hand, but she left the dance floor quickly. He followed her. For a moment grief had crossed her cold grey eyes and he suddenly felt the tendency to do something about that.

When she moved between the pillars that led to the big open balcony he could get hold of her. ‘Please, Åse, I didn’t mean to scare you away.’ She looked at their joined hands and then up to his face. Thor saw tears in her eyes. He wanted to lay his hand on her cheek, but figured that was too intimate for two people who didn’t know a single thing about one and another, except their names. ‘I want to help.’

‘You probably can’t, it was stupid of me to think that in the first place. I hope you will accept my apology for the way I imposed upon you.’

Thor frowned. ‘You apology is accepted, but I don’t think you are stupid to think I can help. I’m the prince of Asgard and certain I can help you with whatever it is.’

Åse shook her head. Thor took her other hand as well. ‘Tell me, please.’

She lowered her eyes and bit her lip. ‘It’s my family’, she started softly. ‘I’m not from around here, you see. My family and I lived in the outlands of Asgard, we were outcasts.’ The last word she pronounced softly. Briefly she looked up to him before she scanned the surrounding. Not many people were held up between the pillars, but Thor understood the message. He took her up to the balcony and moved her to a quiet corner.

‘My family is related to Vili and Vé, the brothers of king Odin’, she started after she felt safe to speak. ‘After the war between the three brothers most of their descendants were loyal to them and agreed with the separation. They became the Vanir, as you may well know, and Odin and his descendants the Aesir.’ Thor nodded. He knew about the war and the split-up, but for long there was peace and friendship between the Vanir and Aesir.

‘My family, however, stayed loyal to Odin. They didn’t want to become Vanir and live on Vanaheim. As a result we weren’t accepted by both families. Odin granted us a place to live on Asgard, but far from the palace and the city.’ Åse looked up at him. ‘I come to the palace because I’m the last of the dissenters from my family on Asgard. In the course of time most of my family moved to Vanaheim, but my father always refused. Now he passed away I really want to stay here on Asgard, but I don’t know where. I don’t feel comfortable to live in the outlands on my own.’

Thor knew dissenters of Vili and Vé lived on Asgard. He remembered his father mentioning them once, but the All-Father didn’t seem to care much about them at that time. Strange, because in fact they were family, even though distant.

‘Aren’t there more families like yours living here?’ Thor asked.

‘Yes, but I don’t know where and I don’t know who they are.’

‘Where are you staying now?’ Thor asked concerned, while he was thinking about a solution at the same time.

‘The Golden Crown’, she answered.

Thor set his mouth into a thin line. ‘An inn is no place for a lady such as yourself.’

‘I wish I could rent a house for myself in the city, but I cannot afford that.’ Åse lowered her eyes. ‘My father left me with little.’ She paused for a moment and sighed softly. ‘Maybe relative on Vanaheim can provide me a roof’, she continued with a soft voice.

Her situation was difficult, but not something he couldn’t fix. Thor grabbed her by her upper arms, maybe a little too harsh, but he managed to make her look up to him. Her tear filled eyes made him even more resolute. ‘No. You are our relative too and if you really want to stay on Asgard, then you should. I will talk to my father the first thing tomorrow morning and together we will come to a solution. I’m certain of this. For now I will arrange an escort to bring you back to the Golden Crown.’

‘I thank you greatly, my prince’, she said with a trembling voice and bowed her head.

Slowly Thor let her arms go. ‘Please, call me Thor.’

*

The next day Thor went to his father, although a little later than expected. Volstagg and Fandral returned last night after Åse left. Their report of their mission brought no news for him. No Stone was found on Vanaheim. But they had enjoyed themselves. On Vanaheim they too had a Midsummer Night Feast, although different than on Asgard. Dancing wasn’t the main event. They had several entertainments like plays, acrobats and even fighting pits. Of course his two friends joined the fighting themselves, but after drinking too much ale they both didn’t stand a chance. Still they had the best night in years and spent most of their time with Hogun.

For a brief moment Thor wondered if they had asked their old friend if he had heard any news about Loki. However, he had not told anyone the worry he held for his little brother, so he let the moment pass. Volstagg and Fandral were clearly not done partying, but Thor declined when they asked him to join the party again. His refusal was met with loud protest. Luckily Sif took his arm and guided him to his chambers.

Thor found his father in his study. The All-Father was just done signing a document when Thor was allowed entrance.

‘Already back at work, father?’

Odin sat back in his chair and looked at his son who was sitting down. ‘A king never has leave of his duties. You should remember that once I pass my position to you.’

Thor sighed and sank deeper into the leather seat. He wished his brother was still here to claim that position, he would gladly pass it on to him, since he was so eager after all. His father even told him that Loki, in his short reign, left Asgard prosperous and safe.

‘I know you don’t want it Thor, but you will have no choice. I only delayed your coronation because of recent events. Your duties lie elsewhere for now. Tell me, how did the mission of Volstagg and Fandral go?’

Thor told his father they had brought no real news, Odin wasn’t surprised. ‘Where does your next mission bring you?’ he asked.

Thor and his father had decided they first searched the Nine Realms for the Gems before exploring the other planets. Traveling with the Bifrost made visiting easy. Thor even considered asking the Guardians of the Galaxy to help him with his quest. But for now he only wanted it to be known to a small number of people.

Sif and he had searched Alfheim, the realm of the light elves, while he had sent Volstagg and Fandral on their own mission to Vanaheim. Two realms he could cross off his list.

‘I was thinking of Jotunheim’, Thor answered.

‘Mmm, the Jotuns would not like that.’

‘We will keep a low profile.’

‘Who will join you? Sif again?’

Thor shook his head, ‘I was thinking to go with the four of us.’

‘And you call that low profile? I thought you and Sif made a good team.’

Thor saw a sparkle in his eye and growled. ‘Don’t go there, father.’

Odin smiled softly. ‘I was merely suggesting.’

‘There’s another matter I wanted to discuss with you’, Thor said while he sat up.

Odin raised his eyebrow, but let his son continue. Thor spoke about the woman he met last night and told his father what she had told him. Odin didn’t interrupt him once and even after Thor was done he stayed silent.

‘I thought the last group of dissenters living in the outlands moved to Vanaheim a couple of years ago’, he finally said.

‘Clearly not.’

Odin stroked his beard. ‘Clearly.’

‘Can we provide her a residence in the palace, father? I thought Fensalir might be the right place for such a lady as she’, Thor mentioned softly. He barely dared to speak about that part of the palace, because it belonged to his mother once. Her death was still something he and his father had not talked about.

Odin rose from his seat and walked towards one of the high windows. He folded his hands behind his back and cleared his throat. ‘Yes, Fensalir would provide’, he said after a silence. He turned around. ‘But I would like to meet her first, before I give my final approval.’

*

Later that afternoon Thor was escorting Åse to Odin’s study, after one of the guards had picked her up from the inn. Even though she wore a plain black dress she still looked enchanting. Her long hair was braided like Sif’s last night and she wore it over her right shoulder. He noticed she was tense and they only shared some polite words.

A guard announced their names when Odin had allowed them entrance to his study. Thor let Åse go first and immediately she bowed deeply for the All-Father. Odin nodded to his son who took Åse’s arm and led her to a leather seat in front of the king’s desk. Thor himself took the seat next to her.

‘I welcome you, Åse’, Odin started. ‘Unfortunately we didn’t receive your family’s name.’

‘My father’s name was Edvald Hagenson, sire.’

‘My condolences, Åse Edvaldsdottir.’

Åse lowered her eyes. ‘I thank you, my king.’ Swiftly she looked up. ‘He was a kind and loving father and I miss him dearly.’

‘You and he were the last dissenters of your family, I heard.’

‘Yes, sire. My father was a man with strong principles. He wanted to stay here on Asgard and not join our family on Vanaheim.’

‘And now you want to stay here as well.’

Åse nodded. ‘I want to fulfil my father’s wish and I consider Asgard as my home. I was born and raised here. There is no other place I would rather be, my king.’

Thor saw a small smile forming on his father’s lips, something that did not happen often. He wondered if Odin was as charmed by her as he. His father couldn’t deny her beauty, no one could.

‘My son spoke kindly of you, my lady. He proposed a room in Fensalir among the Asgardian highborn ladies would be the most appropriate place for you to stay. Now, you might well know Fensalir was once the residence of my queen and she held dominance over it. But since my wife has come to pass the burden has fallen on me. I will consent with Thor’s proposal, but not before I have seen the mark.’

Thor didn’t understand what his father meant, clearly Åse did. After Odin gave her a questioning look, she pulled up her left sleeve and revealed a mark of two ravens which were set on her skin right under the palm of her hand. The birds clearly referred to Odin, since his ravens were one of his trademarks. Thor couldn’t keep his eyes of it, he never saw such a sign of loyalty. Her family had marked themselves, a mark that they would carry with them all their lives.

His father did not seem to be as impressed as he and only gave a curt nod. ‘I will send two of my servants to fetch your belongings from the Golden Crown. Thor will escort you to Fensalir.’

‘I am most grateful, All-Father, and I thank you, my father wouldn’t be more pleased.’


	2. Chapter 2

Thor’s enthusiasm was noticeable. He held Åse’s arm tight in his and pulled her slightly too close to his body.

‘See? I told you I would fix this’, he said with a broad smile on his face. ‘You would feel at home in Fensalir, I’m sure of it.’

Loki of course knew his kind-hearted, but foolish, brother would help a beautiful woman in need and he knew he would make Odin come to terms as well. Some doubt from Åse’s side fuelled the prince’s desire to make this a success. It was almost too easy.

Of course Loki made the whole story up. There was no Åse Edvaldsdottir. Edvald Hagenson was one of the dissenters however, but he moved to Vanaheim with the rest of his family years ago. Loki had seen the documents himself. They were kept in the archives of the palace, a place no one cared to visit. It was dark and dusty, but a very useful place to gain information once you knew its secrets. Loki spent most of his nightly hours there when he was still ruling Asgard.

‘I thank you greatly as well, my prince, without you it would not have worked out like this’, Loki answered. He was sick of saying thank you, it was all he had done this afternoon.

‘Please, I told you could call me Thor.’

When they arrived at the entrance of Fensalir Thor let Åse go. ‘Here I bid you farewell, but I will check on you tomorrow, if you let me.’ He took her hand and brushed his lips lightly over her skin.

Loki wanted to pull his hand away, but stopped just in time. He was Åse now and should be more than grateful to receive such attention from the crown prince. He smiled when Thor looked up at him, ‘until tomorrow then, Thor.’ He emphasized his brother’s name.

Thor raised his chest and smiled. ‘Until then, my lady.’

*

Loki was led to his chamber by a young woman called Sigyn. The copper blonde woman talked too much for his liking. He listened half to what she had to say about Fensalir and could get away with some smiles and nodding. He knew this part of the palace well, he came here when he was a little boy. His mother let him play in the garden while she was reading or tending to the flowers. He even helped her sometimes. He considered it as one of the happiest moments of his childhood. Somehow he always felt safe and loved here. The strong floral scent was still present and it reminded him of her.

‘Breakfast and lunch will be served at your chamber’, Sigyn explained when they arrived at a white wooden door. ‘We normally come together for dinner at the dining hall, but sometimes we let it be served at our room as well.’

Loki wasn’t really keen on meeting the other women yet. He knew he had to at some point, for they became his living companions after all, but he desired a quiet evening on his own.

‘Although I would really love to join you for dinner, I am really tired.’

Sigyn nodded. ‘Of course you are. I will ask a servant to bring you your plate.’

‘Thank you, Sigyn, you are very kind.’

‘I really hope you will feel at home here very soon. For now, I wish you goodnight.’

‘Goodnight’, Loki answered before he entered his chamber.

His room didn’t hold much, just a small bed, a closet for his clothes and a dressing table. A bathroom was part of his chambers as well. He thanked the Norns he had his own toilet, he would have found it unbearable to share such a facility with others. There was also a washbasin present, but that could only be used to freshen oneself up. Sigyn had led him past the shared bathrooms and told him there were no better baths to be found on Asgard. The water was always hot and scented with various herbs.

*

Dinner was brought in soon and Loki enjoyed the Asgardian food immensely. It was far better than what he had eaten in the last couple of months, if he had managed to find food at all. His body needed it so badly, it was weakened by the way he had to live. He had wandered from planet to planet, living in the shadows, until he had enough strength to pull himself together and get back to Asgard. At least he was safe here for now. He had a roof over his head, food to feed him and a bed to sleep him.

Although sleep came easily, Loki soon woke up from the same horrible nightmare he had for weeks. In his dream he was forced to look at someone who was being tortured. That person was half naked, tied up and pinned to the wall. First it started with threatening words and a knife making scratches on the skin. It went worse when they started to punch him bloody and unconscious. With a bucket of ice water they woke him up. Deeper cuts were made while more threatening words followed. When the martyr still didn’t respond they started to pull his fingernails out. The screaming went through Loki’s bone marrow.

The victim was silenced when his lips were sewn together. The whole sight was humiliating and horrible. Loki couldn’t do anything about it, for he himself was tied up to his chair as well. Also, he couldn’t look away or close his eyes. The fact that he was forced and had no power to do something, to move, was probably the worst of all. Loki was lucky if he woke up by then, but most of the time he had to witness how they broke the person’s bones and left him for death.

Loki hoped the nightmare would stop once he slept in a safe environment like Asgard, but clearly that didn’t matter at all. He had tried to sedate himself with all kinds of drugs, but it only helped him to fall asleep easier. The dream was still there and he sometimes even experienced it in a more horrible way. He had to go to the library and search for information. There _had_ to be a cure, for he could not live like this for much longer.

*

Early in the morning Loki was being told Thor was paying Åse a visit. Loki remembered his brother had promised to do that and Åse had consented.

‘I’m sorry to come to you on this hour of the day, my lady’, Thor said when Loki arrived at the Entrance Hall where the prince waited. He was dressed in a plain shirt and trousers and wore a dark blue cloak around his shoulders. ‘But I have to leave soon.’

‘Where will you go, my prince?’ Loki asked, trying not to sound too curious.

‘A place no one likes to visit’, Thor answered while not giving anything away. ‘But how was your first night here? Well, I hope.’

Loki thought of the horrible nightmare and lying awake for most of the time, ‘It was fine.’

Thor looked around, as if he was inspecting the place. ‘And the other ladies, have you met some of them already?’

‘Some, yes,’ Loki lied, he only met Sigyn, but he wasn’t really keen on telling Thor he had his dinner in his chamber and not with the other women. ‘My welcome was very pleasant and I thank you again.’

Thor took his hand. Loki was stunned how easily his brother imposed upon a woman. Maybe it was part of his charm, but Loki found it almost rude. He, of course, didn’t let Thor know. He was Åse now, grateful and obedient.

‘When I return we will speak more, for now I have to take my leave.’ He kissed his hand. ‘Goodbye, Åse.’

*

Loki had asked Sigyn about the library in Fensalir when she came to visit him after breakfast. She was kind enough to walk with him. During the way she explained to him he could attend dancing, singing and drawing lessons. He could also help in the gardens. She herself spent much of her time there.

Sigyn smiled when they reached the library. ‘But maybe the various study groups we have here are more to your liking. They mostly meet here, you will find them sitting in groups at the big study tables.’

Loki thanked her and entered the library. He had never been here before. It was smaller than the palace library, but had the same sections. Loki walked passed the high bookcases, they almost reached to the ceiling. Mobile staircases had to provide for access to the highest of the shelves. He also witnessed the study groups, most were silently bent over books, some of them were discussing.

When Loki found various dream and spell books, he sat down at a table. He found different erasing spells, but he already tried that and it didn’t work. He also looked at other mind spells, like manipulation. He could try to manipulate his brain to make his nightmare appear as a happy dream. Soon he found out such spells would be useless. The book about dreams told him dreams had not only to do with the mind, but the soul as well.

Loki sighed softly and sat back in his chair. He had no experience with soul spells. He only knew they were very dangerous, but he had to take the risk. He knew books about soul spells, or a combination of mind and soul spells, weren’t to be found in Fensalir. He had to go to the main library and most likely to the exclusive section he had no access to. He knew Thor had access, so he had to use Åse’s charms again.

Loki placed his hands in front of his eyes. He was so tired! It seemed as if his brain functioned less every day. He felt he was less focused, hazy and easily distracted. If only he could have one night of dreamless sleep…

*

Loki met Sigyn at dinner that night again and joined her table. He noticed most of the women were older than them. They told him most families did not felt the need to send their daughter to Fensalir. They provided for their own education and most of them married young. In the palace men were only met during social events, which were held less over the years.

‘And now of course with our queen gone…’, Sigyn added.

Loki lowered his eyes. He still grieved over the loss of his mother. He had tried to forget her while he pretended to be Odin and ruled Asgard. It worked, mostly because the position gave him barely time for himself to think. He missed her kindness and warmness. He felt safe and loved by her. At one point she was the only one he could trust.

‘I would have loved to meet her’, Loki replied softly.

*

The following day Loki helped Sigyn in the Queen’s Garden. He hated to admit to himself he was actually waiting for Thor to return. Distraction was something he desperately needed now and he knew gardening was very helpful.

The garden was more a swamp then a garden. It mainly existed out of a large pond with willow trees and reed around it. White water lilies grew in the water and dragonflies buzzed in the air. He even heard birds singing. The roof was made of glass and with the sun high in the sky it was hot inside. Around the pond flowers were planted and needed to be tended.

‘Wouldn’t it better to have sprinklers here?’ Loki asked while he wiped off his forehead.

‘We have sprinklers in most of the gardens, but the queen didn’t want them here. It was her sacred place and we want to remain it that way.’

Loki looked around again. He didn’t even know his mother had a sacred place. He was surprised it looked like an untamed swamp, rather than a neat garden. Although he did found it rather magical here.

‘They say she even swam here in the evenings sometimes’, Sigyn continued while she pushed a watering can into his hands.

‘How can a pond be maintained here?’

‘The water level is regulated from underneath the garden, but on hot summer days like these we need to water the plants ourselves.’

Sigyn laughed when she saw Loki’s bewildered face. ‘It’s only this garden in Fensalir that requires such a system.’

It was not only this garden Loki helped Sigyn with, also the small herb garden needed watering. She explained that they also hadn’t sprinklers here, because some plants needed a lot of water and others didn’t. It was easier to water the herbs themselves than having sprinklers.

The vegetable garden was four times as big as the herb garden and had sprinklers all around. Proudly Sigyn told him Fensalir was almost self-sufficient when it came to growing fruit and vegetables. Loki helped Sigyn harvesting carrots and potatoes.

‘Guess what’s for dinner tonight’, Sigyn said and winked at him.


	3. Chapter 3

A cold wind was blowing through Thor’s clothes when he and his three friends landed on Jotunheim. He pulled his fur coat closer around his body while he looked around. It felt ages ago since last time, but it was only years. A lot of things had happened, had changed, and it was almost nostalgic to be here. The only person who was missing was his little brother. He wouldn’t have mind the cold, but maybe that was not something Loki could ever be proud of.

Thor held the tracking device his father’s technicians made in his hand. The device could pick up the energy of the gems. It could search the whole realm at once, but only when one was standing on the highest point of the planet. So the first thing Thor had to do was finding the highest point. The tracking device could help him with that as well.

‘How did she look like?’ Fandral asked.

Thor knew he was talking about Åse, the two men were talking about nothing else all morning.

‘Like Sif told you’, Thor answered and walked westwards. They had to stay away from the large city or any other Jotun settlement. Thor didn’t want to cause any problems. After Loki almost destroyed the realm Asgard and Jotunheim weren’t at good terms. Odin had to fix the damage his son had caused and used the Casket of Ancient Winters to restore the place. It even ended up in a small war because the Jotuns wanted to keep the casket on Jotunheim, but that was something Odin couldn’t allow.

‘Black hair, grey eyes, tall, yes, we all know that. But I mean _how_ ’, Fandral made fluent movements with his hands to point out the female figure, ‘did she look like?’

‘He wants to know if she has big tits and a round ass’, Sif said and everyone turned her head to her in surprise. She shrugged her shoulders. ‘What? I have been around you a lot, you know.’

The three men laughed.

‘So?’ Fandral pushed Thor to answer.

Thor looked down at his device. ‘I don’t want to go into that.’

Sif growled at Thor. ‘She has.’

‘I wanted to hear _him_ say it’, Fandral said disappointed. ‘We need more beautiful women at court, it makes life so much more enjoyable.’

‘We might have a problem’, Volstagg said and Thor looked up once he noticed his friend wasn’t talking about women and Åse in particular. From the north a large ice storm came their way.

‘We need to find shelter and quick’, Thor said and looked around. All was snow and ice and he didn’t spot any cave in the nearby area. He turned south. It would give them some time perhaps, although the storm seemed to draw near very quick.

Luckily it was not long before they found a hole underneath the ground to use as a shelter. They lost a lot of warmth while sitting down and soon they were all shivering. They had brought wood to make fire, but Thor didn’t want to use it before they set up camp. Although this might be the place they had to stay the night, because he didn’t know how long the storm would last.

While the storm raged over, snow still managed to penetrate their hiding place. The howling of the wind, however, was the most horrible sound Thor had ever heard. He and the others placed their hands over their ears, but it was only helping a bit. Once the worst was over, they made a fire and roasted some potatoes and meat. They ate in silence.

Sleep wouldn’t come and Thor kept thinking how Loki lived, if he still was alive. Maybe he was curled up like him, finding warmth by a little fire while he barely had eaten anything. It made Thor incredibly sad and he still hoped to find his little brother during his search.

*

Thor didn’t know if it was day or night when they continued. The sky was dark, but no stars were to be seen. Luckily the device made enough light for them to see. Now everyone was as keen as he to search Jotunheim and go back to Asgard as soon as possible. But the storm left a lot of snow and they had trouble moving forward.

‘Maybe we should come back another time’, Sif said while she pulled her leg out of a layer of snow as high as her thigh.

‘I agree with Sif’, Fandral said. ‘How are we going to climb a mountain while it’s even barely possible to walk?’

‘I could pave the way with Mjölnir’, Thor answered, but when he looked at his friends who stood knee high in the snow and were shivering like a leaf he came up with another idea. ‘Or I could go on my own. Mjölnir can bring me up to the top in no time.’

The other three agreed and quickly Thor left.

The snow was even thicker on the mountain and Thor had to be careful not to cause an avalanche with his powerful hammer. It was windy and very cold on the top. The device did not suffer from it, but Thor had to be careful not to stay too long. When he found a steady spot on the top he asked the device to find him an Infinity Stone, but no answer came. It was not here, Thor already anticipated upon that. At least he made his friends happy when he called for Heimdall once he returned to them.

*

Back in his chambers Thor took a bath. His muscles were stiff from the cold and the warmth was relaxing. He didn’t want to report to his father immediately, but he supposed he had to before dinner. He was actually really looking forward to tomorrow when he would pay Åse a visit. He hoped she was doing well.

*

‘Where are you taking me?’ Åse asked when Thor took her arm in his.

‘That’s a surprise’, Thor answered with a smile. In the afternoon he picked her up again at the Entry Hall of Fensalir and decided to give her a tour in the palace.

‘How was your trip?’ she asked.

‘It did not go as I expected’, he answered a bit grumpy. He didn’t really want to talk about it.

‘You weren’t in danger, were you?’ Åse’s voice sounded concerned.

Thor frowned. ‘Why would you think that?’

‘Well, you told me it was a place no one likes to visit.’

Thor nodded, he remembered. ‘Let’s say we managed to find shelter in time.’

‘We?’

He looked at Åse whose grey eyes hadn’t lost their coldness. ‘Yes, my friends, Sif, Fandral and Volstagg were joining me. I would like you to meet them sometime.’

Åse smiled. ‘I would like that too.’

Thor pulled her closer. ‘But enough about me. How about you? Are you doing well?’

Åse lowered her eyes. ‘I’m doing well. Everyone is kind to me and I like helping out in the garden…’

‘But?’

‘I need your help again.’

Thor stopped walking. ‘Tell me.’

She shook her head and bit her lip. ‘I don’t know.’

Softly he lifted her chin up. ‘You may ask me for anything, Åse. I’m here for you.’

He saw tears forming into her eyes. ‘Why are you so nice to me?’

Thor took her hand and walked with her to a small rose garden with a fountain in the middle. They took a seat on one of the benches. He listened to the water falling into the pond. The sound soothed him. The roses seemed to be at their peak since the sweet smell was overwhelming.

‘I know it’s hard to lose someone you love’, Thor said while he kept staring in front of him. ‘I lost my mother not long ago and I miss her immensely. She was the kindest and wisest woman I ever knew. But the person that is most on my mind is my little brother.’ Thor clenched his hands into fists and tried to keep himself together. He knew failed when tears formed into his eyes. He didn’t talk about Loki with anyone, knowing how they all felt about him. With Åse he felt safe to speak his heart. She might have heard of him, but did not scare away when he mentioned him. ‘I’m worried sick about him’, he followed with a trembling voice.

‘Where is he now?’ Åse asked quietly.

Thor took a deep breath and shook his head. ‘I don’t know and that’s the hardest part.’

‘Is that why you went away, to look for him?’

Thor wiped his tears away and looked up. ‘No, but I do hope to find him during the mission. Otherwise I will look for him after that.’ He laid his hand upon hers. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s alright. You can always talk to me, if you feel the need.’

‘I will hold you to that’, Thor said, almost making it sound like a threat. He took her hand. ‘But tell me, you needed my help.’

‘Yes’, she answered and she cast her eyes down. ‘Although Fensalir has a great library and holds many titles, I can’t find what I’m looking for and I wondered if I could have access to the palace library.’

‘Of course you can, you don’t need to ask that.’

She looked up at him, ‘would you care to show me?’

Thor straightened his back. ‘Of course! Tomorrow?’

Åse nodded and looked around. ‘This wasn’t the place you wanted to show me, is it?’

‘No, but it’s still beautiful.’

‘Yes’, she looked at him and pinched him into his hand. ‘Thank you.’


	4. Chapter 4

Loki moaned when he entered the water. He went to the baths because he didn’t want to fall asleep knowing he would end up with that horrible dream again. Only now he reckoned perhaps the baths weren’t the best place to stay awake. While he swam to one of the underwater benches the mint scented water tickled against his skin. Sigyn was right, Fensalir’s baths were probably the best of whole Asgard.

When Loki reached a bench he laid his head on a small round pillow placed on the rim and looked up at the glass ceiling. It showed the night sky. It was beautiful, but at the same time it scared him. Once he saw opportunities there and now he only saw the void. He shivered and quickly closed his eyes. Thor’s words rang through his head all night. He was worried about him, his little brother. If only he knew who he really said it to, he would not be so kind. But still, he sounded sincere, like he _cared_. Somehow it felt nice to be cared for, to be even important enough to worry about.

Åse was Thor’s “confessor” now. It was so easy to get information out of his brother once he was talking. Loki now knew he was on a mission and his friends were helping him. Where he had been was still a mystery, but he had to take shelter so it had something to do with bad weather. Loki was somehow surprised Thor wasn’t searching for him. The All-Father surely wanted him locked up again. He was a still a convicted criminal and now on the run probably thought of as a danger to all the Nine Realms. But he would never have Odin place him back into a cell, never.

*

Full awe Loki looked around. ‘This is so amazing’, he said as if he saw the palace library for the first time. Åse did of course and he had to sound sincerely impressed. It wasn’t hard. The library was the most beautiful place in the palace, with dark wooden bookcases as high as the roof and big blinded windows which let in enough light, but not so much it bothered while studying.

‘Yes, it is isn’t it? It contains all the books of the Nine Realms’, Thor answered.

 _Liar_ , Loki thought, but still a little proud his brother lied to impress Åse. ‘Really?’

Thor took his arm. ‘Let me escort you, my lady. I don’t want you to get lost.’

Loki nodded, although he was convinced if he let Thor lead the way they _would_ get lost here. ‘What’s your favourite book?’

‘Mmm, I’m not so much of a scholar, my brother is, but I think my favourite books are about the history of the becoming of the Nine Realms. It contains a lot of beautiful artwork.’

‘Would you like to show me?’

Thor looked at him. ‘Weren’t we here for you?’

Loki gave a pleading look. ‘Please?’

‘Alright. The book is displayed in the exclusive section, so we need to be careful.’

Yes, the exclusive section, it was precisely where Loki wanted their visit to end up. The only problem was how to get rid of Thor after he showed him that stupid book.

Two of the most unpretentious guards were standing in front of the huge doors. They bowed when they saw the prince of Asgard and opened the doors for them. A rush of excitement went through Loki’s veins. He felt the possibilities behind every cover. He smelled the old and mostly forbidden knowledge. It smelled like mould to be honest, but still. It was a shame Thor led him to one of the most unexciting titles in this whole section. If only he knew!

As Åse though he was very impressed of course, certainly when the pages turned while Thor didn’t even touched them. He let Åse try and Loki managed to let out a stupid girlish giggle. They ended up at the war between the brothers Odin, Vili and Vé that led to the existence of the Aesir and Vanir.

To get rid of Thor wasn’t easy once he started telling Åse about the Nine Realms. Still, he knew his old doubling trick. While Thor was paying attention to the book he left one double of Åse next to Thor, pretending to listen, while he swiftly left in search of a book about soul spells. In the background he could still hear Thor talking.

Lucky for him the library was well organized, even the exclusive section, so he made it quickly to the right bookcase. He knew it wasn’t allowed to bring any of these books with him, but he had no choice. He had no time to study them here. Also, he had to judge them by title. He felt like a blind man crossing the biggest street in New York. It was mere luck basically and he was hoping to find something useful.

‘Are you alright?’ He heard Thor ask.

Damn, Thor was done with his monologue. It was time to head back fast! Quickly Loki hid the two books in some undefined space and head back.

‘Åse?’

Loki saw Thor looking at Åse with big eyes and reaching for her shoulder. Loki had to prevent Thor touching the double, for it would disappear in front of his eyes when he did. With a swift move of his hand Loki turned the pages of the ancient book. Once Thor was distracted Loki replaced his double.

‘I suddenly don’t feel so well’, Loki said.

Thor turned his attention back to Åse. ‘I’m sorry, I talked too much.’ He took Åse’s arm. ‘Let’s get back to the main section and see if we can find the book you are looking for.’

‘No, it’s not your fault. I’m tired, that’s all.’ Loki leaned against Thor’s body somewhat while the crown prince led them out of the exclusive section. ‘I would rather go back to Fensalir, if you don’t mind.’

‘No, of course not’, Thor answered concerned. ‘I will escort you.’

*

Back at his chambers Loki immediately dove into the books. As he figured, one was completely useless. It was mainly about making love potions. The second was better. It included soul healing, but only spoke of potions. According to the book he needed milk of the poppy to enter his unconsciousness where the “healing” could take place. It sounded a lot like mambo-jumbo to him, but maybe he could combine it with a mind spell to keep it more concrete.

Loki stole two ripe pods of the poppy when he assisted Sigyn in the gardens that afternoon again. Back in his chambers he made several incisions to the pod and let the milk run above a bowl where he usually held his hairpins. This wasn’t the official way of milking a poppy. He actually should have left the pod on the stem and milk it three or four times in the course of two or three days. But he hadn’t that option, so he cut open the second pod as well.

When he was done Loki brought the bowl with trembling hands to his lips. The milk was sticky in his mouth. He lay down and cast a mind spell to decipher real from unreal when he was unconscious. He closed his eyes and soon fell asleep.

Loki was surrounded by total darkness, he couldn’t even see his own hands. His feet made no sound when he walked and he couldn’t hear himself breathing. His hands just moved into the void when he tried to touch himself. It was as if his body had dissolved and only his mind was there. He panicked. Where was his dream? Or didn’t it start yet?

It felt as if he couldn’t breathe, as if the darkness consumed him. It was everywhere, it was him, he was darkness, he was nothing. He needed to get out as fast as possible, but he couldn’t move, he had no control. It was like he was strapped to the chair in his dream again and had to witness the mutilation of the man. He didn’t know when the drug stopped working. What if he was stuck here forever?

Then he heard a loud ringing in his ears. The sound was so high it overwhelmed him. He panicked and wanted to scream, but he couldn’t. Instead his heart started racing and he thought it was going to burst out of his chest. But when the ringing faded his heart slowed down as well. Now he felt like he was floating on a gentle stream. Loki relaxed and let himself be taken into the darkness.

From a distance Loki could hear a voice. He tried to understand what it was saying, but it sounded muffled, as if someone was talking with a cloth in front of his mouth. Abruptly the floating stopped. He tried to move on his own and it seemed he could. The voice came nearer and he could even understand what it was saying. It was a name, a name that sounded vaguely familiar. It belonged to him, although not really.

While he kept moving towards the voice, he saw light appearing into the distance. He started walking faster, not wanting it to go away. It didn’t, it grew larger and larger while the voice became clearer and clearer. Suddenly he was consumed by the light and he could feel again. A cold wet cloth was pressed on his forehead and someone was holding his hand. He was darkness no more!

Slowly he opened his eyes. It was hard, for the light pained him. He could see two figures sitting next to his bed. The one was tending him. The other, who was holding his hand, called his name again and pinched into his hand.

‘Thank the Norns, I thought you were dead’, she said.

Loki recognized her copper blonde hair and blue eyes.

‘Sigyn’, he spoke softly. His voice was back!

He looked towards the other woman who took his hand and felt his wrist. She was counting. When she was done she nodded to Sigyn and removed the wet cloth from his forehead. Both helped him sit up. Loki was somewhat dizzy, but noticed he was in his small private chamber in Fensalir. He was back where he started. He never encountered the dream.

When he had something to drink and the other woman left, Sigyn started talking.

‘What were you thinking taking milk of the poppy, you could have died!’

Quickly Loki looked at the table, but remembered he placed the books back in the undefined space. The pods of the poppies were still there, just like the bowl he drank the milk from.

Loki lowered his eyes. ‘I have trouble sleeping’, he answered softly.

‘Than you take valerian, not milk of the poppy! I thought you knew that.’

Loki didn’t answer. Of course he knew, but he couldn’t tell her what he had tried to do. He realized he did it wrong, he shouldn’t have cast a mind spell, he should have let the drug take its course.

‘I am sorry, but you are no longer welcome to work in the herb garden.’

Loki looked up at Sigyn. She had tears in her eyes. ‘I really thought you wouldn’t make it. It would have been my fault, you were under my care.’ She shook her head. ‘I would not have been able to go to prince Thor and tell him what had happened.’

When Loki heard her saying his brother’s name, he quickly laid his hand on hers. ‘Please don’t tell him anything.’

‘He came by earlier to see how you were doing. I didn’t understand how he knew, but he explained you felt unwell while you were in the library. I told you were not ready to receive anyone. You shouldn’t lie to him, Åse. I knew you weren’t really feeling unwell, you helped me in the garden.’

‘I didn’t lie, I said I was tired and I was.’

Sigyn moved some of his long hairs that were sticking to his forehead behind his ear and softly stroked his cheek. ‘He really cares about you, you know.’

Loki nodded. He knew Thor cared about Åse, maybe he played his part a little too well. ‘I care about him too’, he answered softly.

Sigyn smiled. ‘Good, we all do. He told me he would be gone for a few days, but would visit you again when he returned. He hoped you would be better by then.’

‘What about the other women? Do they know?’ Loki asked carefully.

‘Only Eir and I stayed with you the entire time.’

Loki frowned. The other woman was Eir? He didn’t recognize her, but then again he hadn’t anticipated upon seeing her here. He never thought his life was really hanging in the balance, it didn’t felt that way.

‘How long?’

‘I found you after dinner last night and now it’s past midday so...’ Sigyn rose. ‘Speaking of dinner, I will send you soup and some bread. You will need to gain your strength back.’

Loki thanked her and was still staring at the door when she was long gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't do drugs! Ugh.  
> I'm sorry you guys, I don't know what to say. I probably have to tell you not to do the same thing as Loki does in this chapter. You shouldn't, it's crazy! It will kill you. But that is obvious, right?


	5. Chapter 5

In their quest for the Infinity Stones Svartalfheim and Midgard were next. Sif, Fandral and Volstagg were convinced visiting those realms was a waste of time, for it was most unlikely the two remaining gems could be found there. But Thor _had_ to be certain and there was the Aether to consider as well. It remained missing.

Thor wasn’t really sorry they were unsuccessful again. He was keen on going back to Asgard quickly. Before he left his father had told him two books were missing from the exclusive section. Only he and Åse had visited the day before. Thor took the blame, telling his father he needed to have a further look on the matter. What matter he didn’t know, but he saw a faint smile appearing on his fathers’ face. He of course knew the titles. Before his father started to lecture him he shouldn’t be taking books from the exclusive section to his private chambers, he promised to return them quickly.

Thor wondered how Åse could have taken two books without him even noticing it. He was with her all the time! But then he remembered that she was suddenly very quiet. When he turned towards her she was frozen and stared blankly to the page. It took her a while to answer him. It reminded Thor of one of Loki’s doubles and then it hit him, it was a double!

After he had concluded that, his imagination grew wild. Did Åse have magical powers and if so, how did she know where to look for? What if Åse wasn’t who she said she was and she was actually Loki, his little brother? Thor got a lump in his throat while he considered this option. First he thought he was just hoping it to be so, for he wanted nothing more than to have his little brother near again. But when he looked at it logically, it started to make more sense. Loki was a shape sifter and knew how to double himself. Above all, he knew Asgard and its library. It also matched Thor’s assumption that Loki had not been doing well and had looked for a place to be safe.

Thor now had to play a little game to make sure he was right, but he learned from the best.

‘I’m so glad you are feeling better’, Thor said when he placed Åse’s arm in his while they walked out of the Entry Hall of Fensalir.

‘Thank you’, she answered softly. ‘The women took good care of me.’ She was so kind, unlike his brother, Thor almost didn’t believe in his own assumption anymore already.

‘How was your trip?’ she asked. ‘You didn’t stay away long.’

There, this was Loki. He was trying to get information out of him in the most subtle way and he was clever enough to succeed in this. Thor remembered Loki had done this the whole time, but he hadn’t given much away.

‘No, unfortunately not’, Thor answered and lowered his eyes. ‘Someone said to have information about my little brother’, he lied and stopped for a moment because he felt Åse stiffen. ‘But it was false’, he followed and she relaxed again.

‘I’m sorry’, she said.

‘Thank you’, he answered and led her into a palace garden. ‘This was the place I wanted to show you, the other day.’

Åse looked around with big eyes. From four sides a row of low fruit trees led to a big fountain in the middle of the garden. Against the wall grew roses and between the rows of fruit trees little flower beds with all sorts of colourful flowers were planted.

‘Oh Thor, this is so lovely.’

Thor smiled thinly. Her enthusiasm didn’t feel genuine anymore now he thought she was Loki. But he had to give it the benefit of the doubt. What if she wasn’t Loki? He couldn’t be uncivil. So he took her arm and led her to the fountain. When they sat down Thor stared in front of him, wanting Åse to speak first.

‘You think about him a lot, don’t you?’ she asked.

 _Bingo!_ Thor thought. ‘Yes. He is a troubled soul and did wrong, but he is still my little brother. All I want is to protect him.’

‘Maybe you can’t. He is not a child anymore.’

Thor looked at her. ‘That’s what Loki would say.’

‘Ever considered listening to him then?’

‘I have.’

‘But?’

Thor looked away and didn’t reply. He wanted her to answer the question herself.

‘Ah, I see. The big brother knows best’, she said.

‘It sounds like you’re speaking from experience.’ Thor said while he turned to Åse again. She lowered her eyes.

‘I don’t have any brothers or sisters’, she answered quickly, ‘but I have experienced a family with more children from up close.’

‘I miss him.’ Thor bended his head, ‘I love him.’

‘He probably knows this.’

Thor clenched his hands into fists. He could punch Loki in the face right now. How could he say this while he saw his brother struggling and not do anything?! If only Loki would trust him.

He looked up at Åse. He had to be careful not to look too angry. ‘Why doesn’t he give me any sign of life then?’

‘Maybe he can’t.’

Thor bended his head again, ‘or maybe he is dead.’ He sighed. ‘I’m sorry, you deserve much better company than mine today.’

‘That’s alright. I told you, you could always talk to me.’

Yes, he did, how clever of him. Loki knew of course no one would talk with him about his little brother, for all despised him. Well, there was a truth in that. But Loki knew Thor had the need and would turn to Åse when she offered her listening ear. What more would he reveal, once he was talking? Loki must have thought. Oh yes, he knew his little brother well enough by now.   

Thor rose. ‘I need some time alone now, I will escort you back to Fensalir.’

Obedient Åse stood up as well and took his offered arm. Under the apple tree lane they walked out of the garden.

*

It was the first time Thor visited the archive. The low windows gave little light to the already gloomy place and dust was dancing in the thin rays of sunlight. All the paperwork was stored here. Thor couldn’t believe that even with their advanced technology there were still matters that needed to be done by paper.

If the clerk at the entrance hadn’t told him where he needed to look, Thor would certainly be lost. The archive looked like the library, but far worse. The ceiling wasn’t as high and small cabinets were pressed closely together. Each cabinet was secured with an access code as were the sections and some of the most important files. So Thor walked with a piece of paper in his hand where the row letter, cabinet number and two codes were named. Apparently information about the dissenters wasn’t very restricted.

He was looking for the dissenters, but apparently documents concerning them were filed under the V of Vanaheim. It turned out Vanaheim had his own cabinet and the dissenters their own section. He unlocked both with the codes. After that he searched for the file of Åse Edvaldsdottir, but there wasn't any. Thor’s heartbeat quickened. What about the father? It turned out Edvald Hagenson did exist, but had no children and moved to Vanaheim with the rest of his family years ago.

Thor sank through his knees and sat against the opposite cabinet. With Edvald Hagenson’s file in his hands he stared in front of him. So he was right, Loki was still alive and the little bastard was here right under their nose pretending to be someone he was not. So clever of him, so very clever, but not clever enough it seemed.

Suddenly Thor understood why he was so keen on helping Åse. Of course, she was a very beautiful woman and he liked to help damsels in distress, but he was drawn to Åse in a different kind of way as well. He kept on visiting her, while he didn’t have to. Normally he wouldn’t have, he had other matters that were more important to attend to. He actually had no time to spend with a pretty lady just for the sake of it, but she made him glad to be here on Asgard. He hadn’t felt like that for a long time, only when Loki still lived here.

Thor still hated Loki for pretending to die in his arms. When he would reveal his real identity that was the first thing he would address. But worry quickly surpassed his anger. Loki had to be in real danger, otherwise he wouldn’t return to Asgard. Fensalir was his safe house and Thor was desperate to find out from whom or what his brother was hiding. Even though Loki didn’t want to be protected, Thor would do anything in his power to keep him safe from harm. If it was up to him he would never let Loki out of his sight again.

*

The next day Thor asked Åse if she would like to join him for dinner, to meet his friends. Åse, of course, was very pleased and answered she would love to. His father already consented.  

Thor didn’t know how he would sit out this dinner date. It was all fake and it was hard to keep the pretence. He wondered how Loki could keep on doing this. Luckily his friends, who didn’t know a thing, were there for a little distraction.

‘So, Åse, tell me, do you know how to fight?’ Fandral asked who sat across from her.

Åse shook her head. ‘I’m afraid not.’

‘We should teach you then, every woman on Asgard needs to know how to defend herself.’

She raised one eyebrow. ‘Why? Is it such a violent place for women then?’

‘Eh, well, I don’t know…’ Fandral stammered and his cheeks grew red.

‘Yes’, Odin answered blunt. He sat at the head of the table. ‘Asgard is the ruler of the Nine Realms and has to deal with enemies now and then.’

‘That doesn’t mean you get raped by every man you encounter’, Sif said who was sitting next to Fandral. ‘But it’s very practical if you can wield a sword or even a dagger.’

‘Exactly’, Fandral said and took a sip from his ale.

‘Maybe it’s wise then to add fighting lessons for the women in Fensalir next to singing, dancing and drawing.’ Åse said and looked at Thor. He sat next to her. ‘It’s just a suggestion’, she followed smiling.

Thor smiled back at her, but found he couldn’t look her in the face and turned to his father instead. He kept his eye to his plate while he ate and didn’t respond. Thor wondered if he knew his son was back in their midst, but somehow Thor knew he did. His father would have gone to the archive once Åse gave them her family name and would eventually have come to the same conclusion as him.

Thor wanted to know what he thought about it and why he played along with Loki’s setup. Maybe he wanted to keep him safe as well and therefore let Loki play his little game. At least here on Asgard he could keep an eye upon him. But Loki wasn’t stupid and had to know their father most likely knew about him. All in all it was very secretive and Thor didn’t like it.

‘How do you find Fensalir?’ Volstagg asked who was sitting next to Sif.

‘Very pleasant, everyone is really nice to me. I’m very grateful Thor helped me and of course the All-Father consented to let me stay.’

Åse laid her hand on his lower arm while Thor took a sip from his ale. He knew he shouldn’t have, for he almost spit it out. He wanted to pull his arm away as quickly as possible, but placed his cup back on the table instead. Maybe a little too harsh, for the whole table with its plates, cups and silverware trembled. Åse let him go. Sif raised an eyebrow.

‘I’m very glad you’re here, Åse and find on Asgard your home’, Thor said with a fake smile. He couldn’t take it anymore. How could his father let this charade go on?! His friends didn’t know of course and all smiled, except Sif. His eyes lingered longer on her than he wished, but at least she suspected something was going on. She looked worried at him, but he nodded at her to signal that everything was ok. Of course it wasn’t, but it would be ok once he confronted Loki.

*

Once the torture of this dinner was finally over, Thor offered Åse to walk her back to Fensalir. She bowed when Odin left the table and said his friends goodbye before she took his arm. The silence between them was not something Thor could deal with well. He clenched his hands into fists. He _really_ wondered how far Loki would have gone. Thor realised he cared about Åse. He maybe even fallen in love with her a little, at least he liked her company and now all that had disappeared. Of course he had his little brother back in return, but this farce had to end.

‘You were silent tonight, is something wrong?’ Åse asked.

Thor’s heart started to quicken. ‘I…’ he mumbled and looked around. When he spotted a dark corner he pulled her with him and pushed her against the wall. Fiercely he kissed her. She (Loki!) didn’t pull back. Instead he placed his arms around his neck and pulled his body closer to Thor’s. Thor softened his kiss. For a moment he let himself enjoy it, for it was Loki, his own little brother, who was willingly letting Thor kiss him. This close they had never been and Thor didn’t want to let him go, not yet. But when he heard himself moaning he stopped abruptly. He first looked at Loki’s swollen pink lips, lips he just kissed, and then his eyes, grey and cold as ever.

‘I know it’s you, Loki’, Thor said with a low voice.


	6. Chapter 6

‘Excuse me?’ those were the first words that came out of Loki’s mouth. Silly and stupid words, but they just kissed and he was still somewhat overwhelmed by it.

‘Stop the charade, I have been to the archive and know that Åse Edvaldsdottir doesn’t exist.’

Loki blinked and looked at his brother then, _really_ looked. His eyebrows were frowned, his blue eyes were hard and he had set his lips into a thin line. He wasn’t joking, he had really seen the evidence. Loki knew he was caught between the wall and Thor, but he straightened his posture and raised his head a little.

‘Are you going to tell daddy now?’ he sneered. It was almost hard to fall back into his old role. He got used to be Åse around others.

‘No!’

‘And I need to believe that? You rather have me locked away than roam freely.’

Thor clenched his jaw. ‘That’s not true and you know it’s not!’

Loki grinned. ‘Ah yes, your private talks with Åse were very enlightening.’

‘All I want is for you to be safe.’

‘Locked up, you mean.’

Thor slammed his hand on the wall next to Loki’s head and growled. Loki startled, but quickly set his face. Fiercely Thor grabbed his wrist and pulled him close to his body. He placed Loki’s arm in his and dragged him out of the dark corner.

‘Where are you taking me?’ Loki asked.

‘Shut up and look happy’, Thor commanded. ‘I know you can do that very well.’

Loki was forced back into his role as Åse as quickly as he was pulled away from it when they encountered guards in the halls. They were all staring in front of them in the same stiff pose. It seemed like they didn’t notice anything, but they would notice immediately when something was amiss. Loki smiled and pressed himself closer to Thor, as if he was enjoying his company immensely.

When they arrived at a door guarded by two men, Loki knew where Thor had brought him. It was a long time ago since he had been in Thor’s private chambers, but not much had changed. The fireplace formed the centre of the living room. A large wooden table and a leather couch with a fur blanket draped over the back filled the rest of the room.

Loki moved closer to the table and peered at the maps and other paper works that laid there. He spotted a map of Yggdrasil. Loki frowned. Did Thor travel to the Nine Realms? Why? Was he preparing for his position as king? That could be so. Odin was old and the next Odin sleep could be final for him. His son had to take over his position fast. But Loki was convinced more was going on. Thor only travelled with his friends, if he made diplomatic visits, he would have brought more company.

Loki turned around when he heard the door closing and he saw Thor placing Mjölnir in front of it. ‘Not wanting to lock me up, you say.’

Thor clenched his hands into fists. ‘I will let you leave, if you answer my questions.’

‘Well, well, how polite of you, my prince’, Loki replied mockingly.

With big steps Thor walked towards him and pushed him against the table. Loki raised an eyebrow. ‘You like cornering me don’t you, brother?’

Thor’s face grew red. ‘Shut up! I ask the questions here.’

Casually Loki looked away and fixed his eyes on Mjölnir. ‘And what if I don’t want to answer them? Do you let me stay here forever? That sounds like kidnapping to me.’

Thor grabbed Loki by his throat and loomed over him. Loki grasped to the table with both hands and looked at his big brother. In his female form he was less strong than in his male and Thor had all the masculine advantages now. When Thor realised it himself he loosened his grip around Loki’s throat.

‘You don’t even realise do you? Even after we spoke together in the gardens, you still don’t realise how much I love you and want you to be safe. I will never harm you.’

Loki lowered his eyes to Thor’s hand and slowly he let Loki go. He stayed loomed over him. ‘I still don’t understand why you betrayed me on Svartalfheim. If it was to pain me, you succeed. But it was cruel, even for you.’

Loki frowned. He didn’t know what Thor was talking about. He had not betrayed him, he faked being Odin, but that was on Asgard.

‘I thought I lost you for the second time’, Thor continued. ‘When I heard you were alive all this time I wanted to pain you as you pained me, but now it seems I can’t.’ Thor moved away from Loki and lowered his eyes.

Loki looked at his brother interrogatively. He had lost his bad temper completely and now looked even vulnerable. He suddenly understood what Thor was talking about. ‘I didn’t fake my death, if that’s what you were thinking.’

Thor looked at him, anger returned in his eyes again. ‘Don’t lie to me brother, not about this.’

‘I don’t. Life really seemed to leave me, but I recovered.’

Thor’s face softened. ‘How?’

‘I’m a god, Thor!’ Loki said with a smile, but Thor didn’t smile back. ‘But honestly, I don’t know.’ He didn’t mention he used the life-force of the soldier who had survived the journey to Svartalfheim to come to check upon them.

Thor stared at him for a moment, but them placed his arms around him and hugged him tight. ‘Loki’, he said softly in his ear.

Loki stiffened. He could handle Thor’s anger, he even found fun in their quarrelling, but this soft side of him was most awkward. He didn’t know how to deal with it. Thor always was more physically then he, but it was more in a friendly, brotherly kind of way, not like _this_.

Thor nuzzled his nose through his hair. ‘My little brother.’ He looked at Loki. ‘I was so worried about you. Where have you been before you came back to Asgard?’

Loki started to shift his body away from Thor and turned his gaze to the door. ‘Here and there’, he answered casually.

‘You aren’t in trouble, are you?’

Loki looked back at his brother. ‘Why would you think that?’

‘I know you, Loki. You would never disguise like this and come back to Asgard, if something wasn’t amiss. Who is after you, brother?’

Suddenly Loki was done with this. The closeness of Thor’s body felt like an imprisonment and he couldn’t breathe. ‘No one’, he said and while he moved his hands from the table he pushed Thor slightly away from him. He now had the opportunity to walk to the door, but Thor stopped him halfway.

‘What happened to you?’ he asked worried.

‘I want to leave.’

‘Answer the question.’

Loki jerked his wrist out of Thor’s hand. ‘Move your hammer, or I will scream!’

Thor shook his head while he sat down at the big leather couch. ‘No, you won’t.’

Angrily Loki looked to the door. Thor was right, he wouldn’t. If he did, those guards out there would come in and he knew it would end up bad for him. Thor only had to show the king Edvald Hagenson’s file to prove Åse didn’t exist and he would be imprisoned for the rest of his life, or worse.

‘You are ruining my reputation’, he said.

Thor looked at him with amusement in his eyes. ‘I didn’t think you cared about that.’

‘I’m Åse now and live as a noble woman in Fensalir. I can’t risk being here with you. People talk, you know.’

Thor smiled now. ‘I’m glad you take your living in Fensalir seriously, but I think being singled out by me doesn’t ruin your reputation, quite the opposite.’

Loki crossed his arms over his chest. ‘What makes you so special?’ he sniffed.

Thor’s laughter burst through the room. ‘Do I really need to explain that to you?’

No, he didn’t. He was the crown prince of Asgard, king soon, any woman should be lucky to have his attention for she could be his future wife.

Thor rose and walked over to him. ‘I will do anything to keep your good reputation, Loki. I have never singled out any woman living in the palace before, you know that, everyone does.’

Yes, Loki knew. When he was young he only slept with the girls he met in the city after a night out and everyone knew he was just friends with Sif.

‘So I’m special now?’ he sneered.

Thor caressed his cheek. ‘You were always special’, he said softly.

Loki pushed his hand away. ‘What do you want from me, Thor?’

‘I told you, I want you to answer my questions and then...’

‘I may leave’, Loki completed his sentence and sighed. He was in for a long night. He didn’t feel like answering any more questions, he wanted answers instead. ‘Then I have the right to question you as well.’

Thor nodded. ‘That’s sounds fair enough.’

‘Why do you visit the Nine Realms?’

‘I do not…! How do you know?’

Loki grinned and looked at the table. Thor followed his gaze and clenched his hands into fists. ‘You little bastard!’ He wanted to grab Loki, but he disappeared into Thor’s bedroom and locked the door with a spell. If he had to stay the night here, he could better make himself comfortable and stealing Thor from his bed felt like a sweet revenge.

Thor knocked on the door. ‘Loki! Come out, right now!’

Loki laughed. ‘Goodnight, Thor!’

He ignored his brother who tried to convince him to leave his bedroom and instead looked around. Here also the fire was lit. A big four poster bed filled the room. There were two doors present, one led to the bathroom and the other to the dressing room. Loki had chambers like these when he was still considered a prince of Asgard. He admitted he missed it sometimes.

Once Thor stopped calling for him he changed into his nightdress. He stood by the bed and caressed the fur coverlet. It felt soft under his touch. When he moved the fur away he saw that the bed was made with dark blue linen sheets. He touched it as well, before he slid under the blankets. It was strange to lie in his brother’s bed, but it felt comfortable at the same time. He turned to his side and pressed his nose into the cushion. Thor’s leathery and woody scent made him relax. He pulled up the sheets and closed his eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

It was a gloomy place, Nidavellir, the realm of the Dwarfs. There was almost no sunlight. Only during midday the sun rose high enough to shine over the mountains. Thor looked up, the sky was grey and dirty raindrops fell on his face. The dwarfs were known to make the most beautiful jewellery from the most precious raw materials they found in the mines under the mountains. They also made the most powerful weapons, Thor knew, for he held one in his own hand. But all the craftwork made the air polluted, because most of the particulates ended in the air via their chimneys.

‘Thor, look’, Volstagg said who held the device in his hand. Thor and the others moved closer. The device was glowing, only a little, but it was glowing and it also gave a direction, north east.

Volstagg looked at him. ‘We didn’t even reach the highest point of the realm yet. Do you think it already picked up the Stone’s energy?’

Thor set his mouth into a thin line. ‘It could be. Lead us, my friend.’

He let Volstagg in charge today, he wasn’t really up for it. He was forced to sleep on his couch, for he was shut out of his own bedroom. Not that his couch wasn’t comfortable, he had spent many nights there when he had drank too much and his bed was too far to reach. But the thought of Loki sleeping in the room next to him, in _his_ bed, was something he couldn’t let go. It was only then he could let sink in that he found his little brother, who, at first sight, seemed well. He had asked too many questions, Thor realized. Loki would never reveal any of his thoughts to Thor if he was asked so bluntly, he was too secretive for that. But Thor couldn’t help it, his worry and impatience always played tricks on him when encountering his little brother.

In the morning his father had ordered him to come to his study and forced him to leave for another mission directly. Thor wanted to wait one day, just to get his act together again, but he obeyed his father and informed his friends. By the time Thor returned to his chambers Loki was gone.

After he was done preparing for the quest he went to Fensalir. He was told Åse was taking a bath and couldn’t receive him right now. Disappointed Thor left her the message he would be gone for a few days.

‘Are you all right?’ It was Sif who pulled him away from his thoughts. Thor nodded.

‘What was going on last night?’ she asked himona whisperingtone. ‘You acted very weird during dinner.’

‘It was nothing’, Thor answered annoyed. He didn’t want to talk about it. There was nothing to talk about. It was over now, he wasn’t forced to pretend he didn't know Åse was Loki and it felt like a relief.

‘It didn’t seem like nothing to me’, Sif pressed on. ‘You aren’t falling in love with her, are you?’ she asked even more softly.

Thor clenched his hands into fists. ‘It’s none of your business.’

‘It is. You are my friend.’ She laid her hand on his shoulder. ‘I don’t trust her, Thor.’

Angrily Thor looked at Sif. ‘Is that so?’

‘Yes. No Asgardian woman gets so easily into Fensalir, as she.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Don’t you ever wonder if she’s not who she says she is? You don’t know anything about her!’

‘You’re just jealous.’ Thor didn’t mean to say it and knew it wasn’t true, but he didn’t like the way the conversation was heading.

Sif shook her head. ‘You sound just like Loki.’

Thor froze. He now knew why he never talked to his friends about his brother. He was afraid they would only speak ill of him and Thor had enough of that.

‘I’m sorry. I know you miss him’, Sif wanted to lay her hand on his arm, but Thor didn’t let her. ‘We all know’, she continued.

‘Leave me’, Thor said. ‘Leave!’ he repeated when Sif remained at his side.

Quickly she nodded and found company with the others. Thor placed his hand before his eyes and sighed deeply.

*

Before the night fell they found a cave in the mountains, probably carved out by the dwarfs, to set up camp. They had brought wood and food with them, knowing Nidavellir was scarce on both. Sif made the fire while Volstagg was preparing the pig.

‘How far do you think it is until we find the gem?’ Fandral asked while looking at the device. It was still glowing very little.

Thor lay down on his back. The rocky ground was hard even with the fur. ‘I don’t know. What does the radar say?’

‘That we are still heading the right way.’

Thor closed his eyes, ‘good.’

*

Strangely enough sleep came easy, maybe because he just ate or maybe the ale kicked in hard tonight. He had listened to his friends talking and the crackling fire. It had made him feel at ease. Fandral took the first watch so Thor could close his heavy lids when he lay down.

*

Thor was woken up by Volstagg. He was the last one to keep watch.

‘What’s wrong’, Thor asked when he saw the worried look on Volstagg’s face.

‘We are being watched.’

Thor stood up. ‘By who?’

‘I couldn’t figure out, but there’s definitely someone lurking in the shadows. Fandral and Sif noticed the same.’

Thor looked at his other friends who now lay asleep around the fire. He nodded and sat next to the entrance of the cave. He rested his head against the wall and still heavy with sleep his eyes closed from time to time. But when he heard something rustling, he sat up.

‘Who’s there?’ he asked in a low voice.

No answer came and the rustling stopped. It was most likely the dwarfs had found them, since the four of them rather stood out in the realm of the small people, and now had someone following them. The dwarfs probably needed a whole army to stop them, but killing someone in their sleep was something even a child could do. Thor slightly moved away from the wall, so he had little chance of falling asleep.

*

Morning came soon, although the difference between day and night was hard to distinguish. Thor and his friends walked on, but they were on their guard. Since they all witnessed another presence they kept more to themselves, not wanting to give any information away. Sif still shunned his company and Thor felt sorry he fell out to her the way he had done. He wanted to make amends, but also knew this wasn’t the time for that.

The device led them into a valley, where the mountains around them grew higher and the path smaller.

‘If it wasn’t for the device, I would say someone is leading us into a trap’, Fandral said while looking around him.

‘According to the radar, we are almost there’, Volstagg informed. ‘The light is still very dim though.’

‘What about our little friend or friends’, Sif followed. ‘I haven’t felt any presence since we entered this valley. Have you?’

‘No’, Thor answered, ‘but we must be careful. Fandral is right, this indeed is the perfect place for a trap.’

They discovered an outside workplace where the road ended. On the stone worktable lay all sorts of tools and on the ground stood an anvil and a hammer. They heard someone sizzle. Two golden eyes appeared in the darkness from the cave and another pair followed quickly. When they entered the workplace, their faces lit up by the light that shown upon their small daggers. They wore baggy clothes and their dark brown hair was messy. Their faces and hands were dirty.

‘Go away’, the left dwarf said. ‘You are not welcome here.’

Thor looked at his friends, but all didn’t know how to respond.

‘My sons followed you and warned our family, a whole army is on its way by now’, the dwarf followed, while the other one bared his teeth.

‘We are not here to harm you’, Thor said.

The dwarf narrowed his eyes. ‘Why should we believe you?’

Thor straightened his back. ‘I’m Thor Odinson, prince of Asgard.’

‘And I’m the king of the Nine Realms’, the dwarf said sarcastically. The other sniggered.

Thor clenched his hands into fists. How dare they to make fun of him and his father. Did they not know who he was? Fandral laid his hand on Thor’s shoulder and Thor looked at him. Fandral shook his head. His anger ebbed away a little and thought perhaps they didn’t, not if they lived here all of their lives. Thor grinned. But they had heard of one thing, for sure, Nidavellir was famous for it.

He dropped his hammer down. ‘Remember this?’ he said and saw the eyes of the dwarfs grow big. For a moment none of them said a word.

Then the left one looked at him. ‘How do we know it’s real?’

‘Only I, prince Thor, can wield it.’

‘Show us!’

Thor placed his hammer on the ground and invited his friends to try to lift it, but none could. Both dwarfs tried together, but failed as well.

The silent dwarf now was convinced and wanted to kneel down, but the other hold him back. ‘Let’s say you are who you say you are.’

‘I am’, Thor answered.

‘Why are you here? What do you want from us? We are simple workers, see where we live.’ He looked around.

Thor had seen it and wasn’t impressed. ‘I know there’s more.’ He nodded to the cave, ‘down there.’

‘Can you not show us your finest jewellery?’ Fandral asked.

‘Is that what you are here for?’ the dwarf asked, while not moving his eyes from Thor.

‘Yes, we are here to find a ring for the prince’s fiancée’, Sif continued. ‘He wants something exquisite, not something he could buy on Asgard, you see.’

When the dwarf looked at Sif his hostile posture disappeared somewhat. ‘And he came all the way to us?’

‘It seems you make the most beautiful jewellery of the whole Nine Realms.’

The dwarf nodded, ‘that’s true, my lady.’ He pushed the other dwarf inside. ‘Show them!’ he commanded with a raw voice, but smiled again when he turned back to them. His smile disappeared when he saw Sif stretching her body and massaging her legs. ‘Is the lady all right?’

Sif shook her head. ‘You are so hard to find, we walked for days.’

‘The lady must sit down’, the dwarf took her hand and led her to the worktable. He cleaned it for her so she could take a seat.

In the meantime the other dwarf came back with different sorts of rings. He showed them to Thor, but after he and his male friends examined them carefully he shook his head.

‘May I see them?’ Sif asked.

‘But of course!’ the dwarf who offered her the seat said and let her try all the rings on her fingers. She sighed. ‘None of them is fit for a future queen I’m afraid.’

‘Go get the other!’ the dwarf yelled to the silent one who wasn’t as willing as the first time. ‘Go!’ He pushed him inside. ‘Go get the stone.’

Thor looked at his friends, all thought the same. This was it, this was the stone they had all been willing to see and knew the dwarfs had in their possession.

The dwarf folded his hands together and looked from Thor to Sif. ‘The stone is very rare and it’s not made into a ring yet, but do not worry, we can do that for you.’

When the other dwarf came outside again, they all looked at the green stone in his hand and then to the device in Volstagg’s. It was still glowing dimly and made no indication they found an Infinity Stone.

‘This is fit for a queen, surely’, the dwarf said. His eyes were glowing when he looked at Sif. ‘If only the woman was as beautiful as you.’

Sif smiled, but Thor saw she felt uncomfortable and it was time to leave.

‘I take it’, Thor said quickly.

The dwarf turned to him. ‘Excellent. We will forge it into a beautiful ring.’

‘No, I want to take it whole.’

‘That will cost you.’

‘I will pay you its weight in gold.’

‘That’s not enough.’

‘Double the weight?’

The dwarf shook his head.

Thor was losing his patience now. ‘I will make you purveyor to the royal household.’

The dwarf shook his head again.

Thor threw his hands into the air. ‘What then?’

The eyes of the dwarf started shining again. ‘I want a kiss, from the lady.’

Thor felt rage boiling up into his stomach and clenched his fist tight around his hammer. He had to stay polite, he knew, but it was hard not to punch the little bastard in the face. ‘That’s not up to me’, he answered then.

Everyone turned to Sif who rose from the table. She looked from Fandral, to Volstagg, and rested her eyes on Thor. He saw she was disgusted by the idea, like he. He wanted to say something, but she already answered ‘all right’ and kissed him quickly on his head.

‘Is that it?’ the dwarf asked.

She grinned. ‘You never said where.’

*

‘ _You never said where_. That’s the most brilliant line I have ever heard anyone say!’ Fandral said while they left Heimdall’s Observatory and laughed again until tears formed into his eyes.

‘I too have learned a trick or two from Loki’, Sif said and turned to Thor. He smiled and knew they had made amends.

‘By the Norns, I never knew I missed that little bastard until now’, Volstagg said while he mounted his horse. ‘You were spot on, Sif!’

‘We drink to you tonight’, Fandral said when he sat on his horse. ‘And a little to Loki as well, he added while he rode off after Volstagg.

Thor looked at Sif who stood next to her horse, but he didn’t know what to say.

‘You see, we all miss him’, she said and mounted as well. She grinned, ‘a little.’

Thor laid his hand upon her calf. ‘Thank you’, he whispered and felt tears burning in his eyes. Not only did he thank her for obtaining the stone, but more so for remembering Loki at his best. As the trickster who helped them out of distressed situations with his silver tongue and clever cunningness.

‘You’re welcome’, she said and rode off.

*

At dinner his friends told the king their story and even he seemed to be amused by Sif’s cunningness. They all brought a toast to her, but when Fandral let the name Loki fell, the table went quiet. Odin lowered his cup and started to cut his meat ferociously. Sif and Volstagg quickly took a sip of their ale, while Fandral wanted to apologize. Thor laid his hand upon his arm. He looked at him intently and shook his head. Fandral understood the message and took a sip of his ale as well, a large sip.

‘What’s next, the realm of the fire giants?’ Volstagg asked.

Thor nodded. ‘I’m afraid so.’

‘Maybe we can use Sif’s cleverness again’, the big red-haired man followed.

‘I don’t think the giants are so easily to deceive as the dwarfs, my friend,’ Thor answered.

‘If it comes to brutal fighting, you know I’m your man. Maybe we should train extra for the next couple of days, what do you think?’

Sif nodded. ‘Sounds like a plan.’

Thor turned his attention to his father while he let his friends talk about their fighting techniques and what could be improved. The king did not pay any attention to them anymore and only concentrated on his dinner. Thor wondered if his father missed Loki. He knew he loved him still, even though it wasn’t always easy. But it had to be hard having his youngest son here without having any actual contact at all. How more estranged could a father and a son be?

‘Father’, Thor said when the king looked up at him.

‘Not now, son’, Odin replied while he rose. ‘I’m tired.’

Thor nodded and watched his father walk away with bent shoulders. He was followed by two guards. Thor rose from his seat as well.

‘Where are you going?’ Fandral asked.

‘I’m going for a walk.’

‘Don’t you want to celebrate with us?’

‘There’s nothing to celebrate yet. It’s by no means certain we have found an Infinity Stone.’

Sif frowned. ‘But the device, can’t we trust on that?’

Thor shrugged his shoulders. ‘Father and I aren’t convinced of its power, so we let the Asgardian geologists further investigate the gem. I hope to know more tomorrow. For now I wish you a good night.’ The others nodded and wished him a good night as well.

*

The summer evening air was still warm and heavy with the sweet scent of honeysuckle. It reminded him of his mother, she always had a flowery scent around her. He missed her. He could always talk to her. Her kind and wise words had the power to make everything better. More than anyone else she understood his love for Loki. She never hid her love for him, not even in the darkest of time.

Thor walked into the field and lay down. He placed his hands under his head and watched the sky turn dark and reveal its most precious jewels. He felt like a coward. To his closest and oldest friends he wasn’t open about how he felt, not about his mother and certainly not about his brother. But he felt he couldn’t and so trusted a complete stranger instead of them. Somehow it was easier to talk to someone who didn’t know the whole story and had no real connection to him or his brother. Although it turned out his stranger wasn’t a stranger at all.

Now Thor didn’t know if he should tell his friends about Loki or not. He was afraid they wouldn’t understand why he didn’t put his brother back to prison, a place he for most people belonged. Even though they claimed to miss him, there would always be a part that distrusted and despised Loki for what he had done, not only to Midgard, but even more to the persons who were close to him. They didn’t understand Loki’s struggles, even Thor found it hard to understand sometimes. But he would never give up on his little brother and never shall.

When the air grew chilly Thor walked back to the palace. He didn’t know he had longed for his bed until now. The fire was lit in his chambers and he paused just to enjoy the warmth for a moment. When he entered his bedroom he quickly removed his clothes and left them in the dressing room. His valet would take care of them tomorrow morning.

Once Thor turned to his bed he found someone already sleeping in it. It was Loki! He blinked. Could it be real? He was still in his female form, but it was him. Thor moved closer. Loki was tossing and turning from one side to another. He moaned and even spoke real words now and again. He was dreaming, but from the look of it not a pleasant dream. Carefully Thor opened the sheets and slid in bed next to his brother. He knew when Loki would wake they would end up in a fight. Loki would never let Thor come so close.

‘Loki’, Thor whispered his brother’s name and he seemed to react upon it. He lay still and turned his head towards him. Thor brought his hand towards Loki’s stilled face and gently stroked his hair. It was silky soft. The paleness of his skin was accentuated by his black hair and the dark blue pillowcase. He was so beautiful. When Thor placed his arm around Loki’s waist, Loki opened his eyes a little.

‘Thor’, he said with a sleepy voice, but he didn’t protest when Thor pulled him closer. On the contrary, he pressed his body even closer to Thor’s and buried his nose into his brother’s shirt. Loki’s long hair tickled against his face, but Thor didn’t care. He had his little brother near and safe, that was all he cared about right now. He kissed him on his head. ‘Good night, brother.’


	8. Chapter 8

By the smell of bacon and eggs Loki woke up. He yawned and stretched his body. He hadn’t slept so well in months! The first night he slept in Thor’s bed, when his brother had forced him to stay, he noticed he slept fairly well. He still had the nightmare, but it was different. He was not really in it, he was observing himself sitting on the chair forced to look at the man being tortured. It was still horrible, although less intense. He had slept the whole night, an improvement of the previous nights. He had decided to sleep in Thor’s bed since his brother was away anyway. This night had been different. The nightmare slowly subsided and he had a dreamless sleep after that.

When a touch of smell of bacon and eggs reached Loki again, he immediately sat up. Thor was back! He suddenly remembered how Thor had called his name and how he had pressed himself to his chest. He felt his cheeks burning red. He swore the fire was out when he entered his chambers last night.

Quickly Loki rose and placed his dressing gown over his nightdress. He opened the door to the living room and only looked through the crack first. He saw Thor sitting at the large table eating his breakfast. He looked up when Loki pushed the door further open and smiled.

‘Good morning, brother. Slept well?’

Loki didn’t answer him. He looked around, not that the chamber interested him, but he couldn’t face his brother. It did not help to feel less awkward.

‘Come sit with me’, Thor said while he pointed at the chair in front of him.

Somewhat skittish Loki walked to the seat and sat down. His eyes grew big when he saw a plate and a glass in front of him. Who else knew he was here? Thor poured him juice.

‘You must be hungry, here take some bacon and eggs.’ Thor shoved the main plate to him. Loki looked at it, but he already felt sick by the smell of it. He shook his head.

‘Of course, how could I forget, you don’t like bacon and eggs in the morning. I’ll let get you toast.’

Before Loki could stop him, Thor already called for his valet. He gave a little nod at Thor’s command and quickly eyed Loki before he left. Loki took a little sip from his juice, just against his dry throat. He wondered when Thor would start asking questions. Perhaps he first needed to finish his breakfast before his brain worked, although he looked rather sharp and awake now. He was wearing a dark blue sleeveless shirt, the kind that went under his armour. His hair was wet and hung over his shoulders. He had trimmed his beard as well. It looked like he had eaten from Idunn’s apples since he looked younger than he actually was.

Loki quickly averted his gaze from his brother when the valet returned with his toast. Thor thanked him and focused on his breakfast again. It seemed like he wasn’t even interested in him being here, while the other night he couldn’t stop questioning. Loki didn’t know which version he preferred, the quiet Thor who left him at peace, or the one who questioned and irritated him. He couldn’t believe Thor didn’t wonder why he was here.

‘When did you return?’ Loki asked. He couldn’t stand the silence anymore.

Thor looked up and his clear blue eyes met his. ‘Yesterday afternoon. But I took a walk after dinner, so I arrived back late in my chambers.’

That explained why the fires weren’t lit yet when he entered Thor’s chambers. Loki thought Thor was still on his mission, a stupid mistake.

‘I’m going to the training grounds after breakfast, but you may stay here, if you like’, Thor continued.

Was he for real? But Thor didn’t seem to be joking. He ran his hand through his golden blonde hair and cleared his throat. This was it, the moment Thor would ask him why he was here. Loki felt his heartbeat quicken.

‘I was wondering when you were done with the books you took from the exclusive section. I promised father to bring them back as soon as possible.’

Loki frowned. He hadn’t anticipated upon that question. ‘ _You_ promised Odin?’

‘Yes. So if you are so kind to give them to me, I can bring them back.’

So Thor took the blame for his crime. He probably did it for Åse, to protect her reputation. How _noble_ of him.

‘I will do no such thing’, Loki answered.

‘You can’t bring the books from the exclusive section back to you private chambers, brother.’

‘I know that’, Loki sneered. ‘I will bring them back myself today.’

Thor rose. ‘Gladly.’

*

The clerk at the library looked sternly at Loki. ‘We have been wondering when we would receive these back. Books from the exclusive section are forbidden to leave the library, one of the most important rules here, miss.’ He pointed at the board behind him that explained the rules. Loki didn’t look, he knew them very well.

He wanted to walk away, but the clerk spoke again. ‘Who gave you permission to enter the exclusive section anyway?’

‘Prince Thor’, Loki answered snappy.

The man nodded and turned his attention back to his work on his desk. But when Loki walked away he felt his eyes burning on his back. He shivered. Loki took a seat at a large table in the corner at the end of the library. He wanted to be as far away as possible from the clerk. He couldn’t stand being watched over like that.

Now that he had his night of dreamless sleep, he felt less hazy and more focused. He had studied the books about dreams and spells which lay in front of him, but the information was of no use to him. He placed his hand under his chin and looked out of the window. It showed him a part of the city and the mountains in the distance.  

He was frustrated he still didn’t know why he had that nightmare and wondered why being with Thor it disappeared. It was like someone planted the dream in his head and made Thor the cure for some reason. He wondered who could have done this to him and if it was just a sick joke or a real threat. He took it very seriously, he had to. He had made enemies over the past. Thanos was the most powerful of them all, but it seemed more like something a woman would do. Maybe Amora had cast a spell upon him. They had encountered a few times, but they always parted in bad ways. Perhaps she wanted to take revenge for the way he had treated her, but it was so farfetched. He couldn’t even remember when he saw her last.

*

During dinner some of the women were looking at him intently and then whispered to each other. Loki couldn’t make out the whole conversation. However, he heard words like ‘prince Thor’ and ‘sleeping’. He could have guessed others would know eventually, but not so soon. Thor’s valet must have told other servants and now the story spread like wildfire. The women at his table pretended not to hear and were talking about something else instead, but Loki knew they picked it up as well. It would probably change the attitude towards him, but he didn’t know if it would be in a good or bad way. Would they think Åse was blessed Thor singled her out or would they think she was a temptress? Either way, Loki wasn’t keen on having too much attention so he left early.

He avoided his chambers and went to the Queens Garden instead. It felt like a hothouse here, but it didn’t matter to him. He sat down at the pond under the willow tree and listened to the croaking frogs and chirping crickets. He imagined his mother swimming here on a night like this.

He questioned if he should go to Thor’s chambers or not. He was tired and looking forward to another night of dreamless sleep. What were the consequences? Everyone probably knew by now anyway. It didn’t _really_ matter to him. What mattered was what Thor thought and why he hadn’t questioned him about it. He didn’t want Thor to think that he was sleeping there to be close to him, but he wasn’t keen on telling his brother about the nightmare either.

Loki lay down and looked up to the glass ceiling, the sky was growing dark. Maybe he could stay here, maybe being in his mother’s garden protected him against the bad dream as well. He turned to his side and closed his eyes. But as soon as he fell asleep he was back at the beginning of his nightmare and was fighting to wake up. He kept on telling his mind this wasn’t real, but he knew the mind spell didn’t work, not with this. The longer he stayed in his dream, the harder it got to get out, until there was no way back. The only solution was to wake up.

With a shock Loki woke when the man started screaming. Soaked in sweat he looked around and remembered where he was. He rose quickly, too quickly because he was dizzy for a moment. He leaned against the tree and rested his eyes on the water. It was dark, but quiet. Loki cared for a swim to cool down, although he preferred the baths instead.

But when he was heading for the baths his panic slowly faded and the walk had cooled him down. He cloaked himself and went without having any second thoughts to Thor’s chambers. He avoided the guards at the prince’s door, as he had done the previous nights, and entered his brother’s private rooms via the servant hallways.

When Loki entered Thor’s living room his eyes caught a glittering green gem lying on the table. He picked it up. It had the size of his eye. He held it against the moonlight. The stone was bright. It was by far the most beautiful jewel Loki had ever seen. He had the desire to steal it and look upon it whenever he wanted. Maybe he could convince Thor to give it to him, green was his colour after all.

Loki lowered his gaze to the book in front of him. It was opened at a page about a gem called Serendibite. It was one of the rarest gems in the Nine Realms. Most Serendibite were opaque, while some were gold brown, green or blue. There seemed only one place in the Nine Realms to find such a rare gem. The inhabitants were known for their obsession with them. But why would Thor visit the realm of the dwarfs? It couldn’t be only for a jewel like this, could it?

Thor’s bedroom was warm and he had kicked his sheet aside in his sleep. Loki walked towards the balcony and opened the doors. The air was still dry and warm, just like it had been all day. There was hardly any breeze. When he turned around he saw Thor had woken up. Loki had forgot his brother slept light.

‘It’s hot’, Loki said.

Thor nodded while he sat up a little. ‘Yes, it is.’

Loki walked to the other side of the bed and felt Thor’s eyes following him. It was not as uncomfortable as he thought it would be.

‘Training was hard today as well’, Thor said.

Loki lay down. ‘I reckon.’

Loki could hardly breathe when their eyes met again. He moved towards his brother who had turned on his side and laid his head against his chest. Thor wanted to place his arm around his body, but Loki stopped him. ‘It’s too hot.’ He pressed his nose against Thor’s shirt and closed his eyes. His scent and presence made Loki feel at ease and his mind go quiet. It was so unfair.

*

Loki woke yet from another dreamless and deep sleep. Satisfied he yawned and stretched his body. When he wanted to go out of bed the bathroom door opened and Thor appeared in the room with only a towel around his waist. Loki’s eyes grew wide while he gazed at Thor’s broad shoulders and strong arms. Suddenly he wanted nothing else than to be held in those arms. Quickly Loki turned around and closed his eyes. No, that wasn’t really what he wanted. These were his female hormones reacting to an appearance of a handsome man who kept him from having a nightmare. That was what this was and nothing more. Loki only used his brother to sleep. Once the nightmare problem was over he would never come to Thor’s chambers again. He lowered his blanket and saw Thor disappearing into his dressing room. Never.

*

Toast and juice was his breakfast. Thor ate the same as yesterday. He would probably go training again today. Thor had wished him a good morning, but again did not question him. Why didn’t it matter to Thor that he was here? Did he not found it strange? The last time they slept in the same bed was when they were kids. They ate candy all night and held cushion fights. Loki remembered Odin always warned them to turn off the lights and go to sleep after midnight, but they never did. Under the sheets they told each other spooky stories and dreamt about visiting other realms. A lot had happened between then and now.

Loki suddenly remembered the green gem he had found last night. He looked around, but it was nowhere to be seen. He wondered what Thor had done with it. Maybe he had put it on display in the vault with the other precious jewels.

‘Have been to the realm of the little monsters, have you?’ Loki said.

Thor looked up. ‘How do you…?’ but he stopped there, knowing he had betrayed himself.

Loki grinned. ‘I spotted the gem on the table last night. It’s not what I think it is, is it?’

‘I don’t know what you are thinking, Loki’, Thor answered and lowered his gaze. ‘You are always a mystery to me’, he followed softly as if he meant to say the words only to himself.

Loki slightly cocked his head. ‘Why do you visit all the planets of the Nine Realms? It’s not about me and not about the gem, however beautiful. So what are you really looking for?’

‘It is best if you do not ask me these questions.’

‘So the matter is grave and serious indeed.’

Thor looked up. ‘Please, stop this now.’

‘Why?’

‘It is not of your concern’, Thor growled.

‘It is if Asgard is in danger.’

‘Asgard is not in danger.’

Loki smiled once Thor realized he again had given him information without even realizing it. His face grew grim and his eyes cold. The chair shoved loud over the floor when Thor rose. ‘I wish you a good day’, Thor said harsh. ‘If you need me I’ll be on the training grounds.’

*

After breakfast Loki returned back to Fensalir. He decided to take a bath and was surprised to find himself alone there. He showered before he entered the scented water. He closed his eyes while he slid with his hand down his neck, followed by his breasts, his waist and hip bone. For a moment he fantasized it wasn’t his hand but Thor’s. Quickly he flashed his eyes open when he realized what he was doing. His female mind was betraying him again. It was not what he really wanted. He _hated_ his brother and didn’t want him anywhere near him.

*

Again it turned out to be a hot night, just as the day had been. Loki had bored himself today. He was done looking into books for answers that weren’t there and working in the garden was beginning to feel like a rut as well. Besides, it was too hot to work anyway. He had stayed in the shade on the long balcony to the north side of the palace. He hadn’t been alone there. More ladies welcomed the shade and were hoping to catch a cool breeze. He, however, was alone, while they had each other’s company. He didn’t mind, not really. He would leave Asgard once the nightmare was gone. He didn’t belong here anyway.

Thor sat on the couch when Loki entered his chambers through the servants’ entrance. It seemed like he had been waiting for him. Quietly they walked to the bedroom and undressed in each other’s presence. The room was cooler than the previous night. The balcony door stood wide open.  When they both lay down, Loki pressed his nose against Thor’s chest and deeply inhaled his scent.

‘Loki’, Thor’s voice sounded serious. ‘Tomorrow after training I will be gone on a mission again.’

Loki bit on his lip. It meant that his nightmare would come back again and he was having such wonderful dreamless nights.

‘How long?’ he asked trying very hard not to let his voice quiver.

‘I don’t know, but you are welcome to stay here while I’m gone, you know that.’

A tear streaked down Loki’s cheek. Why didn’t Thor question him? Did he not care enough? ‘Everyone in Fensalir knows I sleep with you’, Loki said harsh.

‘You _are_ sleeping with me.’

Fiercely Loki looked up at Thor, ‘but not…’ He turned away from him. ‘Never mind.’

‘Loki’, Thor’s voice close to his ear gave him the shivers. ‘If this is about your reputation again, I got it covered, I promise.’

Loki turned around. ‘Don’t make a promise, you can’t keep.’

Thor stroked softly through his hair and brushed his mouth against his forehead. ‘Don’t worry.’

Loki closed his eyes and didn’t protest this time when Thor placed his arm around him. 


	9. Chapter 9

It was hard not to ask Loki why he chose his bed to sleep in instead of his own. It was the first thing Thor wanted to do when they sat together at breakfast after the first night, but found it was best not to address the topic. Thor didn’t want to mess it up. He enjoyed having his little brother near and he felt honoured Loki sought his company. Maybe it was the first step to start trusting each other again. Although Thor knew he couldn’t rush these things, certainly not with Loki. He still did not feel comfortable enough to show his male form. Thor missed his green eyes, although sometimes he recognized a glance from the brother he once knew.

However hard, Thor had to focus on a more serious matter now. The stone he and his friends found in the realm of the dwarfs, turned out not to be an Infinity Stone. It was a very rare gem however and therefore the device had picked its energy up. While the geologist and technicians worked together to fine-tune the device so the incident would not occur again, Thor had put his time to good use. He had spent almost every hour on the training grounds, for he knew the next mission would be hard.

Heimdall had wished them good luck when he sent them to Muspelheim, the realm of the fire giants. The golden eyed god always wished him luck, but this time he tone was different. The fire giants were old enemies of Asgard. For Surtur, their king, they had to be really careful. He had a big flaming sword that could put whole villages in fire at once.

The realm was like a giant fireball. Volcanoes were spread through the landscape. Most of them were active and the lava was streaming down from the top. Trees or other vegetation were non-existent here. The soil was pitch-black and the air eerie red.

Volstagg wiped his forehead. ‘It’s like 90 degrees here!’

‘My underpants are already soaked with sweat’, Fandral followed.

Sif laughed, but Fandral gave her an irritated look. ‘It’s true!’

‘That’s why it’s funny’, Sif replied while she tried to hold her laughter.

‘At least we brought enough water’, Volstagg said while he looked at the bags everyone was carrying on their back.

Thor looked at the device, they needed to head north. He led his friends the way, while he kept in mind that they had to stay away from Surtur as far as possible. Where the king of the fire giants held up he didn’t know. They weren’t as organized as the frost giants whose ice cities were easy to avoid.

‘I wish we could split up’, Sif said who walked next to him. ‘No one wants to stay here longer than necessary.’

‘I wish we could as well, but it’s far too dangerous. I already warned you we probably won’t get much rest.’

‘Honestly, I don’t think I could sleep here anyway’, Sif answered while she looked around. ‘This truly is a place for demons and monsters.’

All of a sudden a loud thunder cracked the sky and all looked up. The air was lit with lava and it was coming down fast.

‘Run!’ Thor yelled and they all started running as fast as they could. Thor led the way and had to find a path over the cracked soil that was quickly growing hot beneath his feet. But he wasn’t fast enough. The ground was tearing open and blocked the way. Hastily he looked around, there was one way out, but they had to jump over a cliff. The other side seemed safe however, there were fewer volcanos than on their side.

‘I can fly you over one by one with Mjölnir’, he said while he looked back at his friends.

‘There’s no time!’ Sif said while she started to make a run-up. ‘We have no other choice.’

‘No!’ Thor yelled. He had wanted to go first so he could help his friends if something would go wrong, but Sif already made the jump. She made it to the other side, but only just. Thor followed her through the air with his hammer. He grabbed her shoulders tight, ‘don’t ever do that again.’

‘I’m fine’, Sif said with a steadfast voice, but he could feel her body tremble under his hands. ‘We need to help the others.’

Fandral was next. First he tossed his bag to the other side, before he made the jump. He and Sif had almost the same body length and they were slim, so he made it as well, but not if it wasn’t for Thor. He had to catch him with his hand and pull him away from the edge, or else he would have fallen into the abyss. Fandral thanked him with a quick shaky hug.

Thor worried most about Volstagg. He was big and heavier than his other friends. He wanted to take a run-up before he took the leap, but there wasn’t enough room to move since the lava was already near the edge. His jump was short and he could barely catch the other side with his hands. Quickly Thor dropped down on his knees and pulled Volstagg up.

‘Don’t ever ask to make me do this again, my friend’, Volstagg said out of breath while the lava was streaming over the edge.

Thor laid his hand on his shoulder. ‘I can’t promise you that, I am afraid.’

Volstagg set his lips into a hard line. ‘Mmm, I thought so.’

‘Come, we must carry on’, Thor said, but when they turned around three fire giants were closing in upon them. Their skin was red and their eyes glowed yellow. They were smaller than the frost giants. Thor lowered his hammer, while the three warriors readied their swords.

‘We can take these guys’, Sif said.

‘Can’t a man catch his breath for one second’, Volstagg replied.

‘Are you getting old?’ Fandral teased while he ranked up behind the big red haired man.

‘Are you getting scared?’ Volstagg followed with a wide grin.

But the fire giants were no real match for them. Thor defeated two of them with the help of Sif, while the others slew the third.

‘They are scouts’, Thor said. ‘Soon they know where we are.’

They were easy targets now, he realized. The area was more open here and therefore a perfect place for a battle. They had to find shelter and quick or they would certainly face a larger group of fire giants.

‘Thor!’ Sif pointed at a rocky formation in the distance, it could be the perfect place to hide out. He nodded and led the group to their potential hiding spot. But the rocky formation was more than a hideout, it was a passage under the ground. He didn’t know to where it led, but they had to take their chances. The risk of being found out was too great. Luckily the device glowed a soft yellow light, since the tunnels were pitch black. The ceiling was low, Thor could barely stand up straight.

‘Maybe we can take a break here’, Fandral asked. ‘I for one am certainly hungry and a nap would do me good.’

‘No, no naps’, Thor replied sternly. ‘And if you are hungry you eat the dried meat we brought with us.’

Suddenly he froze. Did he hear footsteps? He looked up. Maybe above them.

‘Thor? What is wrong?’ Sif asked.

Thor placed a finger upon his lips. ‘I don’t think we are alone’, he whispered. He signalled his friends to follow him again once the sound disappeared.

‘Maybe we should head back’, Sif whispered. ‘It doesn’t feel right.’

‘It would be too risky’, Thor answered. ‘They probably found us out anyway and…’, but he couldn’t finish his sentence. His legs were swept away under his feet and he fell down a deep hole. He closed his eyes in reflection, but he flashed them open once he heard his friends scream. They had followed him into the deep pit.

*

When Thor opened his eyes it felt as if he woke up from a very deep sleep. He moaned when he sat up. His head was throbbing angrily. He rested his back against the wall and placed an arm around his waist to feel if any of his ribs were broken. Luckily none of them were, but he was bruised severely. He let out a low groan. A stream of sweat dripped down his face. The place was hotter than above ground, even the wall was warm. He looked around while he swept his forehead dry. In this dim red light he could not see any of his friends. He rose and stumbled to where the light was brighter and met a row of steel barriers. He clenched his hands into fists and punched against the barriers, they bent quickly.

Then he spotted a fire giant appearing in the distance. The creature grinned and disappeared again. What he feared had happened, he was captured and even separated from his friends. He turned around and examined the floor. The device was gone and so was his hammer.  

When Thor called for Mjölnir it rammed straight through the barriers and landed right in his hands. Its power flowed through his veins and he felt his body strengthen. Two fire giants appeared, but he moved them out of the way with ease. He looked around and noticed the place existed out of tunnels and corridors. He heard footsteps approaching and turned around while he grabbed the throat of the giant tight.

‘Where are the other Asgardians?’ he asked with a low voice. The giant pointed to the path that ran down. ‘Lead me there’, Thor commanded. He pushed his hammer in the giant’s back and he obeyed. The temperature rose while they were going down and the red light glowed painful in his eyes. He protected his face with his arm when a flame arose from the ground. His skin almost scorched from the heat. When he heard a low laughter he looked up.

‘So you found me at last.’

In the middle of a pool of magma Surtur sat on his throne. He held his large fire sword in his hands. The point was directed to the floor. Thor’s friends were standing next to the king of Muspelheim. Their hands were bound behind their back. Thor clenched his jaw and lowered his hammer. He wanted to rush at Surtur and finish him off before he could hurt his friends, but the giant spoke before he took action.

‘Why I wonder, does Odin sent his last remaining son to my realm to find certain death, has he no sense? But then I realized you Asgardians think you could outsmart me.’ He rose. ‘I know why you are here. This isn’t the first time Odin tried to rob me of my sword, only this time he is too much of a coward to go after it himself.’ Surtur raised his sword. ‘I will not let you rob me like you robbed the Jotuns!’ He laid the blade to Fandral’s neck, Thor could hear the flesh burning and Fandral screamed. ‘No, I will kill you off, one, by one. You’, and he pointed his long sword towards Thor, ‘princeling, will be last and see all of your people die. Your head I sent to Odin. Let the bastard come himself if he dares to.’

When Surtur laughed Thor fired lightning from his hammer to the giant’s chest. Surtur stumbled back in his chair and while he was recovering from the blow Thor smashed his hammer on the ground. The soil started to tear up and formed little islands in the magma. Once his friends realized what he had done, they quickly hopped from one to another.

Thor, on the other hand, flew to Surtur to distract him. Fire and lightening fought each other. Surtur himself was also not as big as a frost giant, but he was larger than the other giants Thor had come across and more muscled.

‘One would say you have the strength of a giant. Are you really a son of Odin?’ Surtur asked when Thor had hit him once again.

‘I am!’

‘What then of your hammer?’

Thor twirled Mjölnir high in the air. ‘It is made by dwarfs, but given power by the All-Father.’

‘I want it!’ Surtur attacked Thor with his large sword, but Thor blocked him mid-air and pushed him off.

‘You can never wield it, only who is worthy can.’

Surtur grinded his teeth, ‘I still want it, since you will have no use for it anyhow once I killed you!’

Thor pointed his hammer to the sky and let lightening hit the walls. One by one blocks of solidified magma fell down into the pit and crushed Surtur’s throne. Quickly Thor flew away and could only just escape Surtur’s hand that grabbed for his leg.

He found his friends who managed to cut themselves loose. They found their weapons and the device.

‘Let’s go’, Thor said and followed his friends to the paths that led the way up. They managed to fight the giants off who crossed their path while Thor closed the routes behind him with his lightening.

‘Do any of you remember how we came?’ Fandral asked who walked ahead and held the device in his hand.

‘No, but it doesn’t matter. We just need to follow the way up. Thor will burst the earth open with Mjölnir if need be!’ Sif replied while she killed yet another giant.

Once they came higher, the air grew cooler and it was not long after that they saw cracks in the ceiling. Thor raised his hammer while he protected his friends from the blow. After the soil had come down, they could climb out of the underground passageways. But they weren’t safe yet. An army of fire giants were waiting for them. So again they readied their weapons and fought until the last creature was defeated or fled.

*

Dehydrated, hungry and tired they arrived on Asgard, after Thor had called for Heimdall to pick them up. The night had fallen on their home planet. The air felt a lot cooler here all of a sudden, although it was high summer and the nights were almost as warm as the days.

‘It’s good to have you back, my prince’, the golden eyed god said. ‘Odin was already making preparations.’

‘What kind of preparations?’

‘For war.’

Thor frowned. ‘War?’

‘Your absence was longer than expected.’

‘How long?’

‘Five days and six nights.’

Thor knew the realm of the fire giants had a different time slot than Asgard, but he didn’t know it differed so much.

In the palace they were welcomed with food and water. Of course Volstagg devoted himself to the food, but Thor, Sif and Fandral were most of all very thirsty. Thor also washed his face and hands in the basin. After Eir had examined them quickly and were found in good enough health, they were sent to bed.

When Thor entered his chambers he was suddenly too tired to stand on his legs. The couch seemed the perfect place to drop down and fall into a deep sleep, but he hadn’t forgotten about Loki and wondered if he would find him in his bed. He kicked off his boots and removed his armour before he entered his bedroom.

The balcony door was open and a cool breeze embraced him. He closed his eyes for a moment, but when Loki called his name he opened them again. Loki rose from the bed and walked towards him. From up close Thor could see his cold grey eyes glistened with tears.

‘You are back’, he whispered and placed his hand on Thor’s cheek. Thor laid into his touch a little before he placed his arms around Loki’s waist and pressed him against his body. Before he knew it their lips met in a lingering kiss. Loki placed his arms around his neck and pulled him to the bed.

Suddenly Thor wasn’t tired anymore. All he wanted was to have her, no him, no Loki. He wanted to be with Loki! He was the most beautiful creature in the world and Thor loved him so very much. He never desired to be this intimate with his brother before, but at this moment he wanted nothing else. Maybe it was easier now Loki was a woman. Still, Thor never forgot it was his little brother he kissed, caressed and made love to.


	10. Chapter 10

From loud voices Loki slowly woke up. He yawned and turned on his other side. He didn’t want to open his eyes yet. He had such a pleasant and dreamless sleep, one he had longed for since Thor had left. Of course he slept better here than in his own bed, but the nightmare returned and it drove him mad. He tried to stay awake as long as possible and fall asleep once he really couldn’t stand on his feet anymore. He tried to sleep during the day. He tried taking a bath and really relax before entering bed. But it all did not work.

Each day he was more desperate for the return of Thor and he _hated_ it. He was not accustomed to be dependent on anyone. Even during the deal he had made with the Other and his time in the Asgardian prison he felt more in control over his life, than now. This dream, this nightmare, took possession of him in a way more maddening than anything he had ever experienced. It was as if a monster was growing inside of him and with his long tentacles slowly ensnared his being. He knew physical pain and mental torture, but this was entirely of another level. It was as if his soul itself was taken over and lost a piece of his former self day by day. Being with Thor, who knew who he _really_ was, helped him not lose himself completely.

Loki growled when the voices grew louder and decided to open his eyes. Who was making such noise this early in the morning? Loki looked at the balcony. The blinds were down. Maybe it wasn’t that early in the morning, since Thor’s chambers were on the south side of the palace.

‘You should have come to me directly’, Odin said.

In a flash Loki sat upright. What in the Nine Realms was the All-Father doing here?!

‘It was the middle of the night, father’, Thor replied. ‘I thought you would be a sleep.’

‘A sleep? I was preparing for war, of course I wasn’t sleeping!’

‘Yes, so I heard. Why? You must know Muspelheim has a different time slot than Asgard?’

‘I couldn’t take any risk.’

‘Even if that meant war?’

‘Don’t question the decisions of your king, Thor!’ Odin spat. ‘I don’t question yours.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I’m talking about Åse who you permitted to stay in your chambers while you were gone.’

‘What of it?’

‘I’m merely wonder what your intentions are with her.’

‘I intent to marry her, I think she would be a fine queen, one that Asgard deserves.’

Loki rose. Was this Thor’s plan all along when he said he would take care of Åse’s reputation?

‘Is that wise?’ Odin asked.

‘You said you wouldn’t question my decision.’

‘I do not. I only ask if it’s wise.’

‘It’s… my decision’, Thor said after a short silence.

Loki clenched his hands into fists. How could Thor be so selfish! He knew Åse couldn’t say no if he asked. There had to be other ways to safe her reputation, there _had_ to be. Loki would not bind himself to Thor, he would not, never!

Once Thor entered the bedroom Loki readied his dagger and stormed right at him. Catching Thor by surprise he pushed him against the door easily and pinned his dagger to his throat.

‘Is this how you want to play it? You want to bind me, contain me, and lock me up forever?’ Thor’s blank face irritated Loki even more. ‘You will never be able to control me! I will leave you and if I cannot leave, I will make your life a living hell! You wish you never married me in the first place!’

Thor grabbed him by his wrist and bended his dagger away from his throat. Loki despised how easy it was for him. ‘I don’t want to control you and I certainly don’t want to contain you. All I want is to have you near and safe, I thought you knew that.’

‘Your words and mine mean the same to me. I will never be your wife, nor your queen!’

Loki squeaked and dropped his dagger when Thor held his wrist tighter. ‘I love you, Loki and thought after last night...’

‘Last night was a mistake’, Loki answered cold.

Slowly Thor let him go. ‘Why then, are you here?’

Loki froze. Finally Thor asked him the question Loki wanted Thor to ask him days ago. But this time he didn’t anticipated on it and a silence fell.

Thor clenched his hands into fists. ‘Answer me, Loki!’

Loki stepped back while Thor moved towards him. ‘Why are you sleeping in my bed? Why do you let me hold you, touch you, make love to you?’ Thor pushed him against the wall. ‘Was it all a joke? A lie? Like this facade that you raised?’ He pointed at his whole body. ‘I know who you are. Why don’t you change into your male form?’

When Loki shook his head Thor grabbed him by his throat. ‘Why? Tell me!’

‘I can’t’, Loki answered softly while he started to feel tears stinging in his eyes.

Thor tightened his grasp. ‘Tell me, or I swear I will kill you now!’

‘I can’t change into my male form!’ Loki almost choked when he answered. ‘Believe me, I tried.’ Thor released him a little. ‘I’m stuck in this female body.’

‘How come?’

‘I don’t know.’

Thor’s face worried. He let go of his throat and slid with his hands down his arms while he looked at him intently. ‘What happened to you, Loki?’

‘I don’t know.’ He cast his eyes down. ‘I can’t remember.’

Thor embraced him. Loki laid his head against his broad shoulder while hot tears streamed down his cheek. He didn’t expect telling this to Thor, but he found he couldn’t hide it for his brother. He was accustomed to be this female form now and hadn’t tried changing for a while. He first wanted to deal with his nightmare. His gender was something he cared less about.

‘Is there something you do remember?’ Thor asked after Loki took a seat on the bed.

‘I remember fleeing from the All-Father when he found out I was his imposter. Breathing dust somewhere on a deserted planet was the next thing I remember’, Loki answered.

‘Were you already in your female form by then?’

Loki nodded.

Thor leaned against a poster of the bed. ‘Is there something else?’

Loki bit on his lip. He wasn’t sure if he should tell his brother more. His life was his own and he didn’t want Thor to meddle into things, but perhaps it was already too late for that. He should never have allowed Thor and Åse get acquainted as they did. Maybe he as Åse had been too inviting. If he had kept a distance Thor would never have found out she was him. He might have left Åse alone after a while.

‘Loki?’

He lowered his gaze. ‘By that time the nightmare started.’

‘What nightmare?’

‘The one that keeps me from sleeping every night, except...’, Loki didn’t finish his sentence.

Thor sat down next to him. ‘So that’s why you are here’, he mumbled.

With burning eyes from his tears Loki looked up at his brother and grinned. ‘It seems you are the cure, brother’, he said sarcastically.

Quizzically Thor frowned.

‘Trust me, I have tried everything.’

‘Everything? I question that, brother. Did the Soul Forge cross your mind?’

Swiftly Loki rose. ‘I will not be examined by that… thing!’

‘Why not? Maybe we can find out where the dream came from and why you don’t remember what happened to you.’

Loki clenched his hands into fists. ‘Because!’

Thor rose and laid his hand on his shoulder. ‘You really don’t want to depend on me for the rest of your life as it comes to sleeping, brother?’

Loki pushed Thor’s hand away when he turned around. ‘Why would you care? You don’t seem to mind at all.’

‘I don’t mind you need me, Loki. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about your wellbeing. Let me escort you to Eir after dinner.’

Loki crossed his arms before his chest. ‘I don’t want her to be there.’

‘She is very discreet, Loki.’

‘What if she finds out who Åse really is?’

Thor looked to the balcony in contemplation. ‘I will ask for some privacy.’

‘Does that mean you will leave too?’

Thor turned his gaze to him again. For a moment Loki saw disappointment crossing his eyes. ‘If you wish.’

*

After Thor took a quick bath he left to meet Odin. The All-Father needed his official report and Thor could only give him that in his study, where the king’s clerks were present as well. Thor had welcomed Loki to stay in his chambers. Loki decided to take Thor’s offer and make use of his brother’s private bath.

The bathroom smelled like Thor’s leathery and woody scent. It came from the water. Just like the baths in Fensalir, his was scented with oils. Loki didn’t mind the smell, he actually loved it. For a moment he closed his eyes. He thought of Thor’s arms around him and his lips on his. His large hands caressing his body tenderly and his mouth making him reach ecstasy. Loki flashed his eyes open when he felt butterflies in his stomach. He clenched his hands into fists so hard his nails pained the flesh of his palms. He hated his female body. He could not think of Thor this way.

Quickly Loki entered the water. He didn’t lie to Thor, last night was a mistake. Loki blamed his female hormones. They reacted to a man Loki knew his whole life and had been psychically close to for over the past weeks. He hated to admit it, but he felt safe with Thor. How could Åse not want him? He was probably the most handsome man in the Nine Realm. He was a god!

Maybe he reacted over-emotional last night, but he was so damned tired! If the Soul Surge could find the problem than perhaps there was something to be done about it, something other than he already tried. He loathed going, though. His soul was the last of all things he wanted to have examined, but he knew it was probably the last chance to finally find answers.

*

‘We are not leaving together through that door!’ Loki demanded when Thor offered him his arm. ‘We are _not_ a couple!’

‘Don’t worry, we aren’t. Not until it’s announced officially.’

‘But they all think we are!’

Thor sighed. ‘If this is about your reputation again then…’

‘It’s not about _my_ reputation, it’s about Åse’s! But you know that very well.’

Thor’s glance turned cold. ‘What do you mean, Loki?’ he asked in his low voice.

‘You know Åse could hardly say no to you if you asked her hand in marriage.’

‘Of course she can! Everybody knows it’s a tough decision to be the wife of a prince and be the future queen someday.’

Loki placed his arm in Thor’s. ‘No, Thor, they do not know.’ Probably most would see it as a strategic move to gain status and power. Others would find it romantic to marry a prince and to be _his_ queen. Few really knew how hard it could be, only the ones close enough to the king and queen knew.  

Quietly they walked to the healers chambers. They passed an endless row of columns and silent, statue-like, guards. The day had been hot again and even in the palace the air was damp. Loki wore a dress of light fabric. Not in his colour, he wasn’t bold enough to wear green. It was silver, just as Åse’s eyes.

Only Eir was present in the healer’s chambers. Loki curtsied for her. She did not seem to notice, for she turned her attentions to Thor directly.

‘You asked for privacy, my prince?’

‘Yes, if that is possible.’

Eir nodded and then directed her attention to Loki. ‘Drink this first.’ She opened a little dark blue bottle and handed it to him.

Loki examined it suspiciously. ‘What is it?’

‘A sleeping draught.’

Loki held the bottle away from him. ‘Why do I need that?’

‘Prince Thor told me you suffered from a nightmare. The Soul Surge will find out more, but you need to be asleep first.’

Loki looked at Thor and wondered what else he had told Eir. He sure wasn’t going to fall asleep and relive that dream willingly. ‘I’m afraid it was a mistake to have come here.’

‘Please, this could be helpful’, Thor replied. ‘Don’t you want to know what’s going on with you?’

Loki looked at the bottle in his hand. Of course he wanted to know what had happened, why he had the same nightmare and why he was stuck in this one form. But this was torture, something he wanted to avoid as much as possible. That’s why he slept in Thor’s bed in the first place. He shook his head, but gulped the substance of the bottle down in one go anyway. It tasted to a mix of herbs and a little touch of alcohol.

Eir pushed him to the table. ‘Lie down please.’

Loki lay down on the hard marble table and looked up from Eir to Thor. He then felt a shock go through his body and immediately he sat upright. His heart was beating in his throat. ‘I will not do this!’

Eir laid her hand on his shoulder and gently pushed him to lie down again. ‘Calm down, miss. I only adjusted the examiner to your body.’

Loki tried to breathe through his belly instead of his chest, but it was hard enough to even breathe at all. His throat was dry and his palms were sweaty. Once the table lit up underneath him, he felt the energy of the Soul Forge go through him. It formed an orange energy pattern of his body above him.

At first sight nothing seemed to be amiss, but then small light green dots were popping up everywhere. They were very subtle, but once Loki noticed them they were everywhere and seemed to take over his whole body. Gradually his energy pattern turned from orange to green.

Loki looked from Eir, to Thor and back to Eir again. ‘What does it mean?’

Eir didn’t answer, she only looked at Thor. He nodded lightly. She bowed her head and left.

‘Thor?’ Loki asked with a small voice.

‘Maybe it’s best if I leave you alone now’, Thor answered and turned around.

In blind panic Loki grabbed his hand tight. ‘Don’t leave me!’ He closed his eyes while exhaustion suddenly hit him hard. ‘Please’, he mumbled before he lost his conscious.

*

Loki sat tied to a chair. The sharp metal of his chains cut in his wrists. The strapped-up man hung half naked in front of him. The dim light was directed on him, the rest of the room was dark. Loki could not see the face of the man who was threatening him, but he was tall and had broad shoulders. He was standing in front of the man, whit his hands behind his back. Loki could see the silver dagger lit up.

‘I’m going to kill you slowly and let them watch how you suffer. You will scream and beg for mercy. Oh, how I would love to see you beg. You will never escape me now, never! I have got you. You are trapped for ever. No one can save you now. I will play with you a little and then I come for you, just when you think you’re safe, I will come and kill you.’

The man pulled his dagger and scratched on the skin of the victim who didn’t whimper. The butcher laughed when two others started to punch the man bloody and unconscious. Loki hated that laugh, for it stirred to his deepest fears. He wanted to flee and hide somewhere where no harm would befall him. With a bucket of ice water they woke him up again.

The butcher made deeper cuts into the man’s bloody chest. ‘You thought I would never find you, did you? But you must be stupid to think I would let you out of my sight. I followed you everywhere and knew all your secrets. And now you are mine. Mine! I will break you, torture you in a way you never knew before. When you realize it’s me, it’s too late!’

When the martyr still didn’t respond the butcher called his accomplices. Loki knew what was coming now. All he wanted was to close his eyes or look away and cover his ears, since the scream of the man went through his bone marrow when his fingernails were pulled out. The sound muted somewhat when his lips were sewed together.

But nothing was as horrible as the sound of bones being broken. The butcher laughed while his accomplices did their work. Tears streamed down Loki’s cheeks and he couldn’t breathe. He was afraid they would notice him being in the room and turn to him after they killed the other. But when the work was done they left. The laughter of the butcher disappeared in the distance.

Loki actually looked at the man’s face for the first time and recognized the sleek black hair and the sunken cheeks. It was him! The chains cut deep into his flesh when he stood up, but he didn’t care. All he wanted was to flee. This was not real, this could not be real! He was here, alive, his body still intact. How could he be there pinned upon the wall? He wanted to scream, but no sound came out his mouth. What kind of trick was this? Who played with him? Who was powerful enough to perform such magic?

While he was still pulling at his chains a woman entered the room. She had long black hair and eyes as silver as the moon. Her presence was different than the men before her. Loki didn’t know why, but she was the first who noticed him. She looked at him and smiled. Her smile, however, was not reassuring at all. Then she turned towards the body and caressed his cheek. It looked almost lovingly.

‘Don’t worry, I will take care of him now’, she said and turned towards Loki. Loki pulled harder at the chains and groaned when the chair didn’t move. He looked from the woman approaching him back to his hands chained to the chair. His heart was racing in his chest. She pushed him into his seat when she had neared him and kneeled down on the ground. She reached her hand to his face, but Loki turned his head away.

‘I won’t hurt you,’ she said while she laid her hand on his knee. ‘I am you now.’

With big eyes Loki focused on the woman again. He wanted to ask what she meant, but he still could not speak. She laid her hand on his cheek. Her hand was as soft as his mothers had been and he laid his head into her touch. He wanted to know who she was and why she was here. Most importantly if she was part of the three men and wanted to do him harm, or was here to help him.

She moved her head towards his. ‘Don’t worry’, she said softly before she kissed him on the lips.


	11. Chapter 11

‘Loki!’ Thor grabbed his shoulders and shook him. His brother had not breathed for a while now and his body lay still. Earlier he had spastically moved his head from one side to the other and softly moaned. The green pattern above his body had turned darker, but now had disappeared completely and Loki seemed dead. Thor bended over him and pressed his head against his chest. ‘No, please. Not again.’

‘My prince.’

It was Eir. Thor had to pull himself together first before he straightened his posture. His cheeks were sticky from his tears. He shook his head. ‘I don’t know what happened’, he said with a hoarse voice.

Eir laid her hand in Loki’s neck. ‘She is still with us, but her heartbeat is very faint. It’s best to keep her here for observation.’

‘No’, Thor responded hastily, ‘I will take her back to my chambers and keep an eye upon her.’

‘My prince…’

‘I will send someone to you immediately when something is amiss’, he followed quickly and lifted Loki from the table. He let his head rest on his upper arm while he pressed his body close to his chest. Due to the fact his body was totally limp, he was heavier than Thor imagined at first.

‘Tell me Eir, what happened when the blue print started to shift green?’ Thor asked while he turned towards her.

‘I don’t want to cause any commotion, but I suspect this is the effect of an Infinity Stone.’

Thor frowned. ‘Which one?’

‘The Soul Gem, most likely. It could have something to do with her nightmare as well. But you might consult different books about the matter, my knowledge about the Stones is currently not up-to-date.’

Thor nodded. It was the first thing he would do tomorrow. If Loki had been the victim of an Infinity Stone he was even more in danger than Thor thought.

The sun had set completely now and the short night had arrived. Torches were lit in the dark halls. When Loki moaned softly, Thor looked at his face. He still had his eyes closed, but he could feel his warm breath against his skin. Thor pressed Loki closer to his body, glad to feel he was still alive.

When he entered his bedroom Thor laid Loki carefully upon the bed. It was hot in his room, even though the balcony doors were open. He removed the silver sandals from Loki’s feet and tucked them under the sheet. He got rid of his shoes as well and lay down next to his brother. He placed his arm around his waist and pressed his head against his chest. Yes, he could feel Loki breathing and it was the most reassuring thing he had ever felt in his life.

*

When Thor woke up he missed Loki next to him. He flashed his eyes open. His brother had awoken! Once he sat up he saw Loki in the dressing room. He was standing in front of the long mirror and stared at the reflection of his female form. Thor rose and walked towards Loki who reached to the mirror and caressed the cheek of his reflection. Thor stopped midway, it felt like he imposed upon something too private for him to witness.

He cleared his throat. ‘How are you?’

Loki quickly lowered his hand. ‘Fine’, he answered.

‘How did you sleep?’

‘Fine’, Loki answered again.

While Thor approached him he noticed the fine fabric of Loki’s dress was wrinkled. It probably wasn’t the best dress to use as nightgown.

Thor’s stomach was growling loudly. ‘Shall we head for breakfast?’

Loki didn’t respond. Thor wondered if he had followed him to the living room, but he had and seated himself opposite him. Thor started eating immediately. He was so hungry it didn’t matter the bacon and eggs were too hot. When he was completely satisfied he looked up at Loki. He hadn’t touched his toast and hadn’t drink from his juice neither. He stared past Thor in the direction of the balcony.

Thor’s expression worried. It seemed like his brother wasn’t even here. He could see his chest barely move up and down and his face was expressionless. His brother never was the talking type in the mornings, but this was something completely different.

‘Loki’, Thor’s voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat. ‘Brother.’ His voice was louder now and Loki seemed to respond. He blinked and moved his gaze towards him. There was so little life in his eyes!

‘Shall we go for a ride today?’ Thor asked. He had planned to go to the library, but he couldn’t, not when his brother was in this state. ‘Maybe fresh air will do you good.’

Loki shook his head and rose. Thor followed Loki who headed to the bedroom and saw him collapsing on the bed. Carefully Thor sat down next to him. Loki turned his back towards him while he moved on his side.

‘Loki, please. Tell me what I can do to help.’

Loki folded his body into a ball. ‘Just leave me alone, Thor’, he answered. His voice had lost all of his fierceness.

Thor bended his head, ‘If that’s what you wish.’

*

‘Good morning,’ Sif, Volstagg and Fandral greeted him when he left his chambers. Now Loki didn’t want his company he could do what he had planned to do today. Still, his mind was with Loki and he only noticed from the faces of his friends his reaction to their greeting was somewhat misplaced.

‘What are you doing here?’

‘We just wondered what your plans are for today. We were heading to the training grounds’, Fandral answered.

Thor ran a hand through his hair. ‘Oh, right, of course. I’m afraid I can’t join you today, I need to look something up in the library.’

‘Are you alright?’ Sif asked while she eyed him with a worried look.

‘Yes, I’m fine.’

‘When have you planned our next mission? I’m getting restless already’, Volstagg smiled.

Thor looked from his red-haired friend, to the blonde and the brunette. ‘Soon, I promise. Be prepared.’

Fandral straightened his posture. ‘We are always prepared.’

Thor smiled. ‘Now if you would excuse me.’

While he wanted to walk away, Sif grabbed him by his arm. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’

‘Yes, don’t worry.’

‘You will tell us when something is going on, will you?’

Thor laid his hand on hers to reassure her. ‘Of course. I see you at dinner tonight.’

*

It was early on the day and therefore quiet in the library. Thor was glad. He usually didn’t mind the stares and bows, but he couldn’t handle them today. After he asked the clerk for books about the Infinity Stones he sat down on a table in the far back. From here the view over the city was beautiful.

Thor felt bad not telling his friends what occupied his mind. But he couldn’t. He would betray Loki and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He didn’t know if Loki really trusted him or not, but he didn’t want to risk destroying anything that was going on between them.

Immediately after the books were brought to him he flipped through the pages to the chapters about the Soul Gem and its characteristics. He compared several books and they all corresponded with each other. With the gem it was possible to collect souls. The owner could trap its victims inside the stone in an idyllic world and get access to their memories and skills. It was also possible to attack souls in different ways. The gem could reveal information by peering into another’s soul and torture them with nightmares. Moreover was it possible to attack the opponent physically. The gem could reveal enchantments and with its karmic blast get the target temporarily unconscious.

With a loud bang Thor closed the books and rose from his seat. With big strides he walked to the exit without paying attention to anyone around him. With this information he was even more concerned about Loki. Even if he had been disguised as someone or something else, his attacker could have revealed him and with Loki unconscious could do whatever he wanted. Thor clenched his hands into fists. The thought about that made him sick.

Hastily Thor searched for Loki once he was back in his chambers. He found him eventually on the balcony sitting in the full sun. He was shaking all over his body and stared with hollow eyes in the distance. Worried Thor kneeled down in front of him and touched his knee.

‘Loki?’

Loki stopped shivering for a moment, but didn’t react upon him in any other way. Thor took both his hands and pinched them. ‘Loki!’ After repeating his name Loki slowly turned his gaze upon him. ‘I’m so cold’, he said with a trembling voice.

Thor laid his hand on Loki’s hot and sweaty forehead. ‘You’re not well. Come back inside. You should take a warm bath and lie down.’

Loki nodded and followed him back inside.

*

Impatiently Thor walked the living room up and down. Loki was bathing and all he could do was wait. To face his brother like that was horrible. All of the Loki he knew had suddenly completely disappeared. It was as if he hadn’t encountered a person at all, just a shell, a body.

When he heard a door opening and closing again Thor headed straight to the bedroom. Dressed in a dark blue flannel pyjama Loki crawled under the blanket. The pyjama was his, but Thor didn’t even wear this to bed in the winter. The look upon it made him already sweaty.

Thor lay down next to Loki, but did not cover himself with the sheet. Loki pressed himself against him and Thor placed his arm around his brother. Luckily he wasn’t shivering anymore. Thor closed his eyes and pressed his nose into Loki’s soft hair.

‘You haven’t been training today’, Loki noticed.

Thor thought Loki had fallen asleep, but was glad to hear his voice.

‘I have been to the library.’

Loki looked up and raised his eyebrows. ‘The library?’

‘Yes, I too can read.’

‘Since when?’ Loki said with a grin.

Thor smiled and kissed him on his forehead. It was nice to notice Loki gained some of his wit back. But his smile quickly faded when he changed the subject. ‘Do you remember the blue print of your body turning from orange to green by the Soul Forge last night?’

‘What of it?’

‘I asked Eir and researched several books…’ Thor paused for a moment and looked into Loki’s interrogative grey eyes. He sighed softly. He didn’t want to need to ask this question. ‘Do you know anyone who wants to hurt you and could also be in the possession of the Soul Stone?’

Loki frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

‘It’s possible, no, quite certain unfortunately, you have encountered the Soul Gem and its current owner, hence your nightmares and possible your female state.’

Slowly Loki’s expression changed once he understood Thor’s words fully. He turned his head away from Thor when tears welled up into his eyes. Loki took a moment for himself before he spoke.

‘Before the attack on New York I made a deal. I could use the army of Chitauri and lent the Mind Stone. He promised me I could rule Midgard when I handed him the Tesseract.’

‘Who is _he_ Loki?’

Loki turned his head back to Thor, but didn’t meet his eyes. ‘Thanos.’

Thor frowned. ‘Thanos? You mean…?’

Loki looked up at him, his expression hardened. ‘Yes, Thor, I mean the most powerful tyrant of the whole galaxy.’

Thor couldn’t believe what he had heard. His little brother, once sweet and innocent, in the hands of the cruel and vindictive tyrant? Thanos was not someone to trifle with and certainly not someone to anger. Loki had failed him and Thanos would not let him get away with it. He must have known this beforehand. He must have! Then why did his brother made the deal anyway? Was he that convinced he could succeed? If he had, Thor was convinced Thanos would never let Loki rule Midgard. Loki was just his puppet and could be disposed of when he wanted to. Loki had to know this too, he could not be so naive. Could he?

‘How could you let this happen, Loki?’

Loki sat up. ‘Me? How could _I_ let this happen? What about Odin? What about you? Who let me go?’

Thor sat on his knees. ‘Do you still believe in your own lie?’

Loki clenched his hands into fists. ‘I don’t mean it literally, Thor! Do you still not understand? You let me down, when I most needed you.’

‘I didn’t know back then what I do now. But even if I did, I could not let you wipe out an entire race.’

‘You just wanted to impress your daddy.’

‘No, Loki. I wanted to prevent you from doing something you would later regret. I feared you couldn’t live with yourself afterwards. But when I saw you falling down into the abyss I knew I failed.’

‘That’s because your first reaction is to fight.’ Loki shook his head. ‘I don’t even know if Åse is a creation of my own or from Thanos. In the dream I feel she rescues me and until this day I don’t think she wants to do me harm. But maybe that’s precisely what Thanos wants me to believe.’

Loki rose and paced the room up and down. ‘With the Soul Gem he could trap me in the perfect world, making me believe I am safe. When I think I have nothing to fear, bam, he attacks. But why do I have the nightmare? It doesn’t make sense at all. Or is that what he wants? To make it more realistic? But how could I discover the difference between real and not real?’

Thor didn’t understand what his brother was talking about. He seemed to be talking into himself rather to him and he couldn’t follow Loki’s rattling brain. Thor rose and wanted to address him, but suddenly Loki looked up.

‘The weather! Yes, it’s always the same, isn’t it? That’s not normal, that’s not realistic. It’s never been this hot and sunny for more than ten days in a row and it’s has been like this since I came here. Thor, you must make it rain.’

‘You are talking nonsense, Loki. This is real, _I_ am real. Asgard has known this weather before. Don’t you remember that long summer when we were little? We must have been swimming in the river every day.’

‘Of course you’re not real! This is the answer Thanos wants you to give when I question this topic. He probably wants you to stop me questioning at all. Perhaps that’s why I don’t have the nightmare when I am with you. Cruel, but he knows about our relationship of course. He knows precisely how I feel about you and how I think you feel about me. The protective big brother, perhaps the only one left I trust.’

Thor grabbed Loki by his shoulders. ‘Brother, please. You sound mad. I don’t want you to stop questioning at all. I want to help you, but I can’t follow you if you act like this.’

Loki looked at him. ‘Make it rain Thor, that’s all I ask.’

Quizzically Thor eyed Loki. His brother seemed very certain of his case and Thor did not know how to convince him otherwise. Thor turned his gaze towards the living room where he left his hammer. He let Loki go and felt his eyes upon him when he left to retrieve Mjölnir.

‘All right then.’ He grabbed Loki tight around his waist and pressed him against his body. ‘Hold on.’

Thor flew them to the field next to the river and landed softly in the high grass.

Loki looked around. ‘Are you mad? The thunder will most likely hit us here!’

‘I control the thunder, it will not harm us.’ Thor held his hammer into the clear sky and fiercely concentrated.

‘Now do you believe me?’ Loki said while he bit on his nails. ‘I have seen the real Thor make it thunder within no time.’

‘Shut up, Loki’, Thor growled. He was angry the last time he took control over the weather of Svartalfheim, now he was just starting to get to that point. He was irritated that Loki thought he was fake and couldn’t do what he had asked of him. He was Thor, the god of thunder, of course he could make it rain!

Clouds came drifting over the mountains. First little white friendly clouds, but big and heavier clouds followed quickly. They merged together. In the far distance the thunder was already audible. The storm came fast and brought the clouds above the city, they were heavy with rain. When the first drops fell a bolt of lightning went through the sky. A loud and angry thunder followed while fat raindrops fell down upon them. They were soaked within an instant.

Thor looked at Loki and smiled. ‘Now do _you_ believe me, brother?’

Loki responded with a kiss.


	12. Chapter 12

Loki sat on the ground against the four poster bed and looked outside. Raindrops lapped against the glass balcony doors. He closed his eyes to listen more carefully. In the distance he could hear the thunder rumbling. The sound of the rain and thunder was soothing him.

Loki was alone. Thor was having dinner with Odin and the three warriors. Dinner had been brought to Thor’s chambers, but Loki wasn’t hungry. He thought about his dream and Åse. He always managed to wake up before the moment she came in and never knew how it ended. Of course it was Thanos who let him have that dream, just as he was the creator of Åse. What really happened to him he didn’t know. Most likely he was dumped on a deserted planet and left for dead.

Loki was relieved Thanos didn’t put him in some kind of dream world and all of this was real. Still, Thanos made him into his puppet. Just as Thor he was after the Infinity Stones. It could be a coincidence, but Loki didn’t think so. The more he thought about it the more he believed he was made into Thanos’ super spy. He was given a female body for one reason only, to become Thor’s closest companion and find out his every move. Thor’s need to help a damsel in destress and Loki’s curiosity to his brother’s life had led them to this situation. Thanos had played them out so well, so very well.

Loki opened his eyes when an arm was placed around his shoulders. The rain had stopped and it was dark outside.

‘You haven’t touched your dinner’, Thor said.

Loki laid his head against Thor’s shoulder.

‘You should eat, Loki.’

‘He is using me to go after you’, Loki said.

‘And the Infinity Stones.’

‘I’m sorry.’ It wasn’t often Loki said those words and if he did, he never really meant it.

Thor kissed him on his head. ‘It’s not your fault.’

But it _was_ his fault. He should never have made a deal with Thanos, never. But his hunger for destruction and power was greater than his wit at that time. He lashed out and failed. He now paid the price and everyone would suffer if Thanos succeeded.

‘I have decided to go for another mission’, Thor followed. ‘I leave the first thing tomorrow morning.’

Loki stiffened and a knot formed into his stomach. Of course Thor needed to go. Niflheim was the last realm of the nine he had to visit. One of the two missing stones could be there. The Time Stone was perhaps the most powerful gem of the six. Loki was certain Thor would do anything in his power to not let Thanos find it first.

‘Let me go with you’, Loki answered trying hard to hide the trembling in his voice. ‘I’m sure I can help. I still have access to most my powers.’

‘You can’t, Loki. You are Åse now. The others would find it most suspicious if she was coming along having the same powers as you.’

Loki freed himself from Thor’s hold and looked at him. ‘Then dump your friends and let us go together.’

‘No, Loki.’

Loki crossed his arms before his chest. ‘So you want to keep me here as some damsel in distress.’

‘You _are_ a damsel in distress.’

Loki growled. ‘I am no such thing.’

‘I also want to have you here to protect Asgard if something go’s wrong.’

‘So you want me to protect the old man?’ Loki snorted. ‘Are you serious?’

‘I said Asgard, not father.’

‘That’s one and the same to me.’

‘Don’t you consider Asgard your home?’

‘No. I don’t have a home, I told you before.’

‘Why then, have such the desire to rule it?’

Loki looked away. ‘That’s entirely another matter.’

Thor laid his arm around his shoulders and nuzzled through his hair. ‘As you say.’

Loki closed his eyes and let his body relax into his brother’s arms somewhat. He was less anxious, but still wasn’t happy staying here alone again. He knew he couldn’t go with him as Åse. Unfortunately he had lost the power to change form and visibility. It reminded him of the time when he was too young to go with Thor and his friends on adventures and he was forced to stay on Asgard. The moment he had mastered the skill of invisibility he went with them. He was discovered, because he wasn’t powerful enough to last the spell for a very long time yet. He was punished for it, but was allowed to go with them more frequently.

Loki pressed his nose into Thor’s shirt. He hated how much he loved his scent. He placed his arms around his neck and seated himself upon his lap. Thor placed his arms around him. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks.

‘Loki?’

‘Shut up, Thor’, Loki spat and kissed him.

*

Abruptly Loki sat up when he noticed Thor had left the bed. Loki had woken up because he missed a warm and big body next to him. Quickly he rose and put on the first piece of clothes he could find. It was a big red t-shirt. It even smelled like him.

Thor was eating breakfast when Loki entered the living room. Loki leaned against the doorpost and crossed his arms before his chest. ‘Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?’

Thor looked up. ‘Loki!’ He sounded surprised. ‘I didn’t mean to wake you up. Come, have breakfast with me.’

‘So you didn’t plan to say goodbye’, it sounded more like a conclusion than a question, but Loki still wondered.

Thor didn’t answer and focused on his breakfast instead.

‘Why?’ Loki moved towards the table. ‘Why, Thor? Answer me.’

Thor took the last sip of his juice and rose. ‘Because I want to remember last night for how it was and not hearing you say it was a mistake again.’

‘It was a mistake.’ Loki saw the disappointment on Thor’s face when he answered him. ‘But that doesn’t mean I didn’t want it, didn’t _enjoy_ it.’ He grinned.

Thor clenched his hands into fists while he walked towards Loki. With his big posture he pressed him against the wall. Rough he placed his lips upon his and kissed him fiercely. Thor surprised Loki. Apart from their first kiss Thor had never been the aggressor. Loki liked it and responded almost too eagerly.

‘Marry me’, Thor said when they paused to take a breath.

‘Is that a command?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then you don’t require my answer.’

Thor growled before he kissed Loki again. He ran his hand under his t-shirt. Loki gasped when he touched his breasts. It wasn’t tender as last night, it was almost angry. Hastily Thor slid with his hand between his legs. Loki wanted to lay his head in his neck when Thor was moving his fingers over his most sensitive spot and inside him. But Thor forced their lips to remain in touch, even though Loki wasn’t really paying attention anymore to their kissing.

Loki moaned into Thor’s mouth when he came. His whole body was shaking and his legs couldn’t carry him any longer. At that point Thor parted their lips. He slightly lifted Loki off the ground and placed his legs around his waist while he thrusted into him. Loki laid his arms around Thor’s neck and pressed his body close to Thor’s. He could hear his breath into his ear.

Quickly Thor’s thrusts became deeper and faster. ‘Marry me.’

Loki clenched his hands into Thor’s hair. He hit exactly the right spot.

‘Fuck. Me. Hard. Thor’, Loki moaned.

Thor speeded up his thrusts. ‘Like that?’

‘Yes’, Loki gasped. ‘Oh, yes!’ he moaned when he climaxed.

‘I just wanted to hear you say it’, Thor said before he came with a loud groan.

Still somewhat shaky Loki eyed Thor who was strapping his belt. He couldn’t believe his brother tricked him into saying what he wanted to hear. It was he who had those tricks on his sleeve, not Thor.

When Thor looked at him, he smiled. He caressed his cheek and kissed him softly upon the lips. ‘Goodbye, Loki.’


	13. Chapter 13

Thor pulled his fur coat closer around his body when he, Sif, Fandral and Volstagg landed on Niflheim. It was misty and freezing cold, even colder than on Jotunheim. It felt like they had fallen in a bucket with nitrogen.

‘I feel my fingers begin to freeze off already’, Fandral said shivery.

‘And more vital parts’, Volstagg followed looking down his trousers.

‘We have to start moving fast, Thor’, Sif said while she looked over his shoulder to the device.

Thor nodded. The device showed the highest point of the area and they weren’t that far away from it.

‘Stay close’, Thor commanded, ‘we shouldn’t lose each other in this mist.’

They tried to walk as fast as they could to stay warm, but it was hard because they lost vitality in their muscles from the cold. Apart from some hills the landscape was flat. There was no thick layer of snow like on Jotunheim, but the ground was slippery from time to time.

‘I wish Loki was here’, Fandral said while he blew into his hands. ‘He could probably warm us with one of his spells.’

‘Didn’t he heat our coat once when we went to Jotunheim?’ Volstagg replied. ‘I remembered, for it was the first and last time I wasn’t freezing from the cold back there.’

‘You forgot that he has excellent battle skills as well’, Thor said.

‘Had, you mean,’ Sif corrected him.

Thor tried to hide a little smile that appeared on his face. This morning when Loki appeared in the doorway looking damn sexy in his worn red t-shirt and just-out-of-bed hair, he knew for certain he was the one to be by his side. Once their father had told them that they both were born to be kings and Thor would make Loki king, _his_ king. Now only Loki had to be convinced. Thor liked a challenge, but with his little brother he never knew if he was on the winning or the losing side. 

*

The highest point of the realm was a small hill and it was easy to climb. Because of the thick mist there was no view on top. They waited for the device to respond. If it did, it meant a gem was here. If it didn’t, it meant they could go back to Asgard. Thor hoped for a signal, his friends were more desperate to go home. But he had to disappoint his friends. The device lit up and an orange dot appeared on the radar.

‘It’s here!’ Thor said enthusiastically, maybe too enthusiastically for it turned out they had a long walk ahead. Possibly two days.

‘Thor, we can’t stay here for the night. We will freeze to death’, Sif said. ‘We have to ask for aid.’

Thor looked at his friends. ‘No, I will go alone. Mjölnir can bring me there within a day.’

‘Are you sure?’ Volstagg asked.

‘Yes, I will be fine. There’s no soul living on this planet anyway.’

‘No _living_ soul you mean’, Fandral said. ‘This place is spooky, Thor. It’s known for the Niflungar, the children of the mist.’

Thor nodded. He knew, but what could a little mist do to him?

‘You know Hel has her realm here as well and she will not be kind’, Fandral followed.

‘Death has no power over me.’

‘You say that now, but…’

Thor laid his hand on his friend’s shoulder. ‘I will be fine, Fandral. You should go before it gets dark, the device will lead my way.’

Fandral embraced him, just as Sif and Volstagg.

‘Promise me you will call for Heimdall if you are in trouble’, Sif said.

Thor laid his hand on her cheek. ‘I will.’

*

Flying was even colder than walking. He had to fly through a wall of thick mist while the freezing air pressed painful against his skin. He sometimes had to come back to the ground and walk for a moment to warm up.

The navigation showed him the height and the depths of the realm. There were hardly any real deviations, except for one particular area. Thor knew that in the lowest depth of Niflheim the realm of Hel was situated. He had to avoid that place if he could. The device led him close to that area, but Thor was certain to make a detour.

After again a long flight he decided to walk for a while. He looked to the device and estimated that he had to take one more flight to reach the gem. He hoped Thanos hadn't planned on following him here. A one on one fight with the most powerful tyrant of the galaxy was something Thor wasn’t up to right now. The cold and the flying had cost him a lot of energy. He wanted to find the gem as soon as possible and head back home.

A cold breeze pulled Thor out of his thoughts. Immediately he was sharp again. All this time there had been no wind here. He looked around when he heard someone giggle softly. While he turned he felt someone caressed his cheek. He wiped the spot with the back of his hand.

‘Who is there?’

Another giggle, this time closer.

‘Answer me!’

‘It’s me, Thor.’

‘Who?’ Thor looked around again, but didn’t see anyone. It was easy to hide in the thick mist.

‘The one who’s always on your mind’, the person whispered into his ear.

Thor frowned. He recognized that voice. ‘Loki?’

He giggled again.

‘I told you to stay on Asgard.’

Loki caressed Thor’s cheek once more. Thor grabbed for the hand, but caught only air.

‘Stop your trickery! Show yourself!’

‘Always so aggressive, brother.’

‘You know that’s not true.’

No answer came. Thor noticed the device was gone when he looked to his hands. He then realized it wasn’t Loki, it was Thanos! Immediately Thor took off again. He knew the map out of his head since he had looked at the navigator long enough. He flew a few miles north-east.

But when he landed at the spot he was certain he would find the gem, it was not there. He was convinced the device had showed him a small valley between two hills. He clearly remembered the height differences. He clenched his hands into fists. No, Thanos could not be the first.

Thor pointed his hammer at the sky and with its wind drove the mist away. He finally had a clearer view. There were exact two copies of the hills and valley in the near area. He never saw this on the device and knew it had to be Thanos playing tricks with him. The mist appeared again when Thor lowered his hammer. He knew where to look. The one was north, the other west.

However, when he searched for the valley in the west and the one up north, there was nothing to be found. The landscape was flat. He again pointed Mjölnir at the sky to drive the mist away. There was no valley to be seen at all. He slammed his hammer at the ground.

‘No!’

He could not fail, he just could not! Everything depended upon him. If Thanos controlled Time he could easily obtain all the Infinity Stones. Ragnarok would be its result and the worlds as they knew it now, would disappear.

‘Looking for this?’ It was Loki’s voice again.

Thor looked up. He saw the vague outlines of a person in the mist and the gem glowing bright orange. He jumped up. Perhaps it wasn’t Thanos after all!

‘Yes! Hand it over!’

‘Why would I do such a thing? You don’t even ask me nicely.’ He sounded disappointed.

It pained Thor, even if he knew it wasn’t really his brother. How did the creature know about Loki and hearing his voice had effect on him?

‘Please. It’s really important for me.’

‘Tell me why.’

Thor frowned. ‘I don’t feel that I have to. You stole the device from me in the first place.’

‘Because you were mean.’

‘Loki…’ Thor sighed.

‘It’s for him, isn’t it? Tell me about him. You love him, don’t you?’

‘Yes’, Thor answered confused. ‘How do you know?’

Thor felt a hand on his chest. ‘I sense all matters of the heart, although I do not know how to love.’

‘How come?’

‘It happens when you are here too long, a place without time.’

‘Are you one of Hel’s subjects?’

‘I’m of the mist, she’s my mistress. You serve no one, do you? Only your heart. Show me how that is. Kiss me.’

The mist started to get shape. It was Loki, the male version of him. Seeing him was strange, but at the same time so familiar. He was white and transparent like a ghost.

‘I can’t.’

The creature pressed himself against him. ‘I promise you get what you want’, he whispered into his ear.

It was exactly Loki’s voice. Thor was surprised his body reacted to that alone. He missed his brother, even though they were inseparable the last couple of days. Thor could get used to Loki being in different shapes, but the slender male with the sharp outlined face, pitch black hair and emerald green eyes was the Loki he grew up with, he had played and fought with. The Loki he called his brother.

When Thor looked into the creatures eyes, he saw no life in them. Thor realized then he was a child of the mist, no part of the living and no part of the death either.

‘I’m sorry’, Thor said and took the gem out of its hands.

Thor could hear the creature’s painful cry when he flew away.


	14. Chapter 14

Again it was a hot day. Loki had decided to help Sigyn in the gardens. He needed some distraction from all that was happening right now. After Thor had left he felt strange. He thought about Niflheim, the eerie place where no living soul was to be found, and he thought about Thor. He wondered if he was okay, if he would be cold, if he had brought enough to eat and drink and if he would be back soon. Loki had never thought about his brother in this kind of way. He wanted his thoughts to stop, but somehow he couldn’t let it go.

‘Åse!’

Startled Loki looked up at Sigyn who was practically yelling at him.

‘I asked if you were done watering the plants.’

Loki turned his gaze towards his hands. The watering can was still full. He shook his head.

‘Where are you with your head? You do get enough sleep, don’t you? Or are you still suffering from bad dreams?’

‘No, I sleep fine’, Loki answered. _When Thor is around_ , he thought. ‘I just...’ He sighed and placed the watering can on the ground. He thought working in the gardens would distract him, but all he could think about was Thor. It was maddening!

‘You worry about prince Thor’, Sigyn said.

With big eyes Loki looked back to Sigyn and clenched his hands into fists. _No, I do not!_ Loki wanted to bite back, but the pain in the palms of his hands from his nails stopped him just in time. He felt his cheeks redden and all he wanted was to walk away. Instead he lowered his eyes.

‘It’s okay, you don’t have to be ashamed.’ Sigyn laid her hand on his shoulder. ‘He’s going to be fine.’

Loki started to tremble and suddenly burst into tears. He placed his hands in front of his eyes while Sigyn took him in her arms and hushed him. Loki didn’t know what was happening to him. He would never let his emotions go in front of someone like Sigyn. But he had all this mixed up feelings built up inside of him and it seemed like they had to burst out right now.

‘He asked me to marry him’, Loki said when he calmed down somewhat. Technically Thor didn’t ask, he commanded, but it was better to leave that part out of the story.

‘He did.’ Sigyn smiled. ‘Why am I not surprised? What did you answer?’

Loki bit on his lip. He was already sorry he brought the conversation to this point, but he was glad she didn’t ask him if he had said yes. ‘I don’t know.’

‘You love him, don’t you?’

Loki turned his gaze away. Love him? He honestly couldn’t answer that. He didn’t know how he felt, or what he had to feel and if Thor was really sincere. He was Åse now, the damsel in distress, someone who needed him. But what if they got into a huge fight or he would do something unforgivable, would Thor still want him then or would he be put into a cell to rot until the end of his life?

‘Don’t you?’ Sigyn asked once more.

Loki looked at her again. ‘I…’

But he couldn’t finish his sentence for suddenly a loud bang rang through the palace and the floor was shaking. Loki and Sigyn ran to the entry hall of Fensalir where all the women gathered. Silently they looked at each other wondering if this was it or if something worse going on. When there was another loud bang and the floor was shaking again a guard came running towards them.

‘We are under attack! Hide!’

While all the women started to run to the back quarters, Loki froze. It was Thanos. He knew it had to be him. On the one hand he was scared and wanted nothing else than to go with those women in hiding, but he knew he had to face the most powerful tyrant of the galaxy and meet possible death.

‘Åse, come!’ Sigyn yanked at his arm.

While he turned around to face her, he readied his daggers. ‘No, I will fight.’

Sigyn frowned. He saw confusion and worry cross her face. It seemed like she had a zillion of questions, but all she said was, ‘be careful’, and kissed him on his cheek.

*

Chaos was the best word to describe the situation. People were screaming and yelling. There were court members running away to hiding and soldiers who readied themselves for battle. Large fragments of pillars were scattered on the marble ground, but there was no indication of what could have cost this destruction.

Loki grinned. He bode well in chaos. He stole the clothes from a guard who had been hit by one of the pillars and headed to the heat of the fight. When the palace got hit again, Loki knew it were large laser beams causing the mess. He had to cower to not get struck himself and witnessed others who weren’t so lucky.

Once Loki reached the entry hall he saw how destructive the attack had been already. Here the wall of the palace had gone down completely and had made its first victims. The huge pile of bricks was used as a defence wall and soldiers were lining up behind it. A few brave warriors had climbed upon the pile and were fighting man to man against large but slender purple skin creatures.

Loki also spotted the All-Father. The fool had put himself on front row as well. Loki clenched his hands into fists. He remembered what Thor had asked of him and knew the stupid oaf did mean Odin. Loki growled, but climbed up the wall as well. Before he was up and running, he was already attacked by his first purple friend. He slit his throat and the creature fell down before his feet. Loki kicked the body away and it rolled on the pile of other death creatures at the base of the wall.

More than one creature surrounded the All-Father, but Gungnir was too powerful for those sad purple monsters. Was that all Thanos had in store? It seemed not. Huge battleships were unloading more puppets, while Asgardian ships were attacking the laser fleets. Loki rolled with his eyes while he killed yet another creature. The army didn’t scare him, but it tired him. He didn’t want to use all his energy to kill those stupid aliens, he was here for the real deal.

When Loki stepped forward he saw Sif, Fandral and Volstagg were fighting on the other side of the wall. Worry hit him suddenly. If they were here, where was Thor? Did he go on his own? Or did something go terribly wrong?

A point of a spear pulled him out of his thoughts and before the purple creature could pierce his weapon into his flesh, Loki placed his dagger between its ribs. He would not allow Thor to be in his thoughts for a second time.

Loki’s heart was beating in his throat when he removed the helmet from his head. His long black hair was falling down his shoulders. He swallowed.

‘Thanos!’ He yelled. ‘Show yourself and fight me, you coward!’ He closed his eyes for a moment. ‘I’m ready’, he mumbled.

‘Loki! No!’ Odin screamed while he pushed Loki away.

A loud beep was all what Loki heard when he stood up. Somewhat dizzy he looked around and saw the All-Father lying motionless against one of the last pillars that was still standing. Sif, Fandral and Volstagg were already kneeling beside him, but it looked bad, it looked very bad.

Then he heard a vile laughter and he got gooseflesh immediately. He recognized that laughter, it was the same as in his dream. It was his, it was Thanos. He was the one who stirred his deepest fears and he was really here. Out of the thick smoke a large and big purple alien stepped forward. One of the Infinity Gauntlets was flaunting on his hand. It held only the green gem, the soul stone, but Loki knew he was here for more.

Loki backed away.

‘Now, now, don’t be scared. Don’t you fancy meeting an old friend?’ Thanos grinned. ‘Perfect hit, by the way, don’t you think?’

Loki grinded his teeth. ‘You missed.’

Thanos gazed towards the three warriors who were circled around Odin. ‘No, I did not.’

When Loki realized his plan was to kill the All-Father first and knew the old bastard would safe him, he broke down in tears. But he pulled himself together. ‘Why don’t you kill me now?’ He said trying to hide his trembling voice.

‘I told you, I will let your loved ones watch to see you suffer.’

‘I don’t have any.’

Thanos raised one eyebrow. ‘You can’t fool me, Loki. I know you and your brother have been fooling around with each other. I know everything about you, every fibre of your soul is mine!’ He showed the green gem in his Gauntlet. ‘I will crush you and let _him_ watch. The poor soul will die of a broken heart and Asgard and its treasures will be mine.’

Loki paid half attention to Thanos, while he searched the ground. He had seen the golden spear glistening into a small beam of sunlight. It was the only weapon that could beat Thanos. When he stepped upon it, he lifted it up with his feet. It felt familiar in his hand.

‘You have to get past me first!’

Loki fired and hit the green gem right in the middle. Thanos stepped back and grunted. But he pulled himself together and fired back. Now two powers battled against each other. Unfortunately Loki wasn’t as strong as he once was and since the spear got its power from the one using it, Loki felt he was on the losing side. Thanos knew it as well.

The tyrant laughed. ‘I will crush you! You are nothing!’

‘Watch me!’

Loki fought even harder, but saw Thanos’ power coming nearer. With the last bit of energy he had left he finally managed to hit Thanos. With an explosion the battle between them came to an end. Loki was blown into the air and landed over the wall back in the palace. 


	15. Chapter 15

Hastily Thor headed towards the healer’s chambers when he was told his father had awoken. He had already visited him right after the battle with Thanos was over. He was unconscious and severely injured. Thor had wanted to stay by his side, but Eir did not let him. He himself was injured as well. He needed treatment and sleep.

After Eir had examined him Thor headed to his own chambers and tried to sleep, but he could not. He thought about his father and brother and the horrors of the day. Once he had obtained the Time Stone and called for Heimdall he knew something was amiss when he had to wait for response much longer than usual. When he arrived on Asgard, Heimdall himself was fighting off slender purple creatures with the help of his father’s warriors. Hastily Heimdall told him to go to the palace at once. Thanos had arrived.

Once Thor passed the huge battleships safely he could really see the damage that was done to the palace. He witnessed his father being carried away by his friends and Loki fighting Thanos. Just on time he could hide from the gigantic blast that blew over the battlefield. He saw a green gem flying through the air and he caught it. He immediately knew it was the Soul Stone and that it was Loki who managed to get it from Thanos. Thor wanted to search for his brother, but Thanos was quick on his feet again.

The tyrant laughed. ‘First your father, now your brother. What’s left of you now, little prince?’

Thor clenched his hands into fists and readied his hammer. ‘My rage!’

It was a one on one fight Thor knew he could not win on his own, but with the help of his friends and the soldiers they managed to destroy the army. Once Thanos knew he was outnumbered he himself fled.

The first thing Thor commanded was to put up the highly secured wall around Asgard and take care of the wounded. He himself looked for Loki and found him in the back of the entry hall. He was thrown all the way back there by the blast. He was lying completely still. The only colour on his face was the dried blood on his temple. Thor lifted him up and carried him to the healer’s chambers. He didn’t know if he was still alive at that time and felt nothing but relief when Eir told him he was. She had to push him out of the room when Thor wanted to stay by his brother’s side.

Odin was sitting up when Thor entered his room. The All-Father was offered water and with a trembling hand he brought the cup to his lips. Most of it ended in his beard instead of his mouth.

‘Let me help you, father’, Thor offered.

Odin shook his head. ‘No’, he bit back and placed the cup back on the plate a servant held in front of him.

Thor seated himself on the chair next to his father’s bed. He looked so fatigued! Thor wanted to take his father’s hand, but after his hostile reaction he decided he should not.

‘I have got them, father.’ Thor showed him the orange and green gems.

Odin bent a little towards him. ‘Both?’

Thor nodded. ‘I have found the Time Stone on Niflheim and Loki managed to obtain the Soul Stone from Thanos.’ It was the first time Thor mentioned his brother’s name in front of his father, he saw no surprise in his eye.

‘How is he?’ Odin asked softly.

‘He’s still alive, but he was severely injured when I brought him to the healer’s chambers. For all I know he remains unconscious.’

The All-Father looked away when tears formed into his eye. Thor reached for his hand and pinched him gently. ‘Why did you not tell me you knew Åse was Loki?’

Odin shook his head. ‘I thought you didn’t know.’

‘Well, I did.’

Odin laid his big hand in Thor’s neck and looked at him intently. ‘Do you love him? In the romantic kind of way, I mean?’

‘Yes.’

‘And you still intent to marry him?’

Thor nodded. ‘If he consents.’

Odin caressed his cheek before he lay down and closed his eyes. ‘Born to be kings’, he mumbled.

*

After his father had fallen asleep Thor visited Loki. He had awoken and looked at the male version of himself in the mirror. He touched his eyebrows, nose and lips with the tip of his fingers while tears streamed down his sunken cheeks. How much Thor wanted to walk over to his brother and take him into his arms! Instead he cleared his throat and approached him carefully.

‘Your hair is long, brother.’

Two startled green eyes looked at Thor through the mirror. Quickly Loki turned around while he held a dagger in both his hands.

Thor froze. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you.’

‘What then?’ Loki bit back. The words did not sound harsh since Loki was too surprised to hear his own voice.

‘I came here to see how you are doing and show you this’, Thor held the green gem up.

Loki cocked his head a little and lowered his daggers.

‘You managed to rob the Soul Stone of Thanos!’

Loki stepped towards Thor. Magically he let his daggers disappear while he snatched the gem from Thor’s hand. He looked at it with big eyes and his lip started to quiver.

‘You managed to free yourself, Loki!’

Loki looked up to Thor and back to the mirror again. He sank down onto the bed and placed his hands in front of his eyes. Thor sat down next to him. He wanted to place his arm around him, but thought keeping his distance would be best.

‘She was mine’, Loki said with a trembling voice once he lowered his hands. ‘All this time I thought she was Thanos’ creation, but it was me. Åse was mine.’ He shook his head. ‘I thought I was dead and ditched somewhere on a deserted planet.’ He looked at his reflection again. ‘But here I am.’

Thor took his hand and met his brother’s eyes. ‘Here you are’, he said softly.

‘Did you find it?’ Loki asked. ‘The other stone.’

Thor nodded and showed Loki the orange gem.

Loki placed the green gem back in his hand. ‘What will you do with it?’

‘I will put it away somewhere safely, preferably not on Asgard.’

Loki shook his head. ‘I figured.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You could do so many things with the Time Stone, Thor! You could even bring mother back.’

Loki lowered his eyes and bit on his lip. Thor pinched into his hand and nuzzled through his brother’s hair. He would safe Loki from all the misery as well if he could. ‘How much I would love to have mother back again, I will not do it. Time is not something to mess with and I do not know what else would happen if I did set back time.’

Loki’s emerald green eyes met Thor again and a lump formed into his throat. He didn’t know how much he really missed those eyes until now.

‘We would certainly not be here’, Loki said softly.

Thor caressed his cheek. ‘Loki.’

Loki shortly closed his eyes and laid his head into his touch. How much Thor wanted to hold and kiss him right now!

‘What do we do now?’ Loki asked when Thor let him go.

‘Marry me.’

‘What about Odin?’

‘Father knew.’

Loki rose and clenched his hands into fists. ‘Yes, I know he knew! The old fool even saved me and was killed himself instead.’

‘Father didn’t die.’ Thor answered while he stood up as well.

Swiftly Loki turned around to face Thor. His eyes were moist.

‘He’s weak, but he lives.’

‘How long did he know?’

Thor shook his head. ‘I presume he knew before I did.’

‘Why didn’t he unmask me and put me back into my cell? Or better, let Thanos kill me?’

Thor took both his hands in his. ‘Because he loves you Loki, as do I!’

Tears formed into Loki’s eyes again and his lips started to quiver. He turned towards the mirror and looked at himself again. ‘Why?’ he mumbled.

Thor noticed he never looked into his own eyes, not once. ‘Because we don’t see a monster when we look at you.’

Loki turned towards him and broke down into tears. Thor placed his arms around him and pressed him against his chest. He stroked his back and soothed him gently.

‘I can ask the servants to prepare you a room in the palace, if you like’, Thor said when Loki calmed down a little.

Loki nodded. ‘I would.’

Thor smiled and kissed him on his forehead. ‘Good.’

But when he walked away tears formed into his eyes, for he knew Loki would be gone the next time he would enter the healer’s chambers.


	16. Chapter 16

Loki’s first instinct was to flee and disappear into the grandness of the galaxy. But when he arrived at the portal in the cave by the river, he hesitated. The last time he chose this path, it did not end well. Thanos was defeated, but only for now. If he would get his hands on Loki again, he certainly would not let him live.

Loki decided to stay on Asgard. Here at least he was safe. He disguised himself into a common Asgardian and paid for a room at the Golden Crown. He groaned softly when he lay down upon the bed and instantly missed the comfortable mattresses of the palace. His injuries were still not completely healed, but he managed to function well enough. He had his strength back and that was the most important thing.

Loki also got his memory back and knew now his dream wasn’t complete fiction. Thanos did torture him, not only mentally, also physically. He had rather not know that though. He did remember something of more importance as well. Right after Odin woke up from his sleep and discovered Loki pretended to be him he stole the Aether from the Collector. He of course had sent Sif and Volstagg to Taneleer Tivan and now had the opportunity to get it back. An Infinity Stone was always useful as leverage, provided that he negotiated with the right person of course. He was not stupid to hand it over to Thanos and he was glad the tyrant never discovered it.

Loki looked at the lantern in his hand. A red light was glowing from it. The Aether was fluid by nature, but he had managed to capture it. The lantern protected the owner from being succumbed by the force, like Jane had been. Loki had tried to use the Aether himself, he of course was stronger than the Midgardian woman, but felt after a while he had no control over the Aether anymore. It started to live its own life.

After a quick dinner downstairs Loki washed himself at the sink in his room. He looked into the mirror and changed from the common Asgardian to his male form. It was still strange to see himself. His hair had grown, although he didn’t understand how that could have happened. His skin was fair and he had sunken cheeks as ever. He looked generally healthy, apart from the recent injuries caused by Thanos. It was still hard to look into his eyes though. He was afraid of what they would show him. When he finally found to courage to look, he only managed to remain his gaze fixed for a few seconds. Quickly he changed into Åse. Somehow her grey eyes calmed him down.

*

From loud voices Loki was awakened from a restless sleep. He had dreamed a lot, but he could not remember what they were about. He rose and decided to go downstairs to find out where the commotion had come from. The inn was crowded with people and they all talked about the same thing: the death of the All-Father.

Loki froze. Apparently the king had died from his battle wounds. This night he and other warriors who passed away would be sent to Valhalla. When a man addressed him he blinked with his eyes. A tear rolled down his cheek.

He pushed the man away and broke into a run. The streets were crowded since everyone was heading to the palace to pay their last respect. Loki went the other direction. He wanted to be as far away from the palace as possible, but he could barely get pass all the people. Once he turned into a small alley he changed into a falcon and flew away. He did not know his destination, he just wanted to fly, be gone, disappear.

He flew with all his might, even though he was worn out at a certain point. His wings and body hurt, but he rather felt physical pain than anything else. He did not want to feel sorrow for the loss of Odin. He did not want to feel guilt for what he had done. He hated Odin! The All-Father had failed him, had disappointed him and all this time he knew, the old bastard knew and did not even tried to talk with him. Why did he not put him back into his cell? Why did he let him and Thor fool around? Why did he save him? Why?

After Loki had flown blindly for miles on end he could not go any further and landed on a thick branch in a high tree. He changed into his male form and rested his body against the tree trunk while he cried his eyes out.

*

Loki sat on a tall tower of the palace and looked down to the crowd. The night had fallen and the sky showed its beauty. Small air balloons were lit and joined the boats on the flow to Valhalla. Loki had no doubt they used this ritual with his mother’s funeral as well. He clenched his hands into fists when a tear rolled down his cheek. He was an orphan now, even though he had long claimed himself to be fatherless.  

He saw Thor and his three friends standing front row. Sif had placed her arm around him. A twinge of jealousy hit him. Thor was king now and had to choose a wife because at some point he needed to have an heir. He could adopt a child of course, but Loki didn’t know if Thor would consider that. Sif was the perfect candidate. She was smart, strong, loved by the people and someone Odin approved of. But now the old king had died Thor could choose whoever he wanted. Even Jane was a possibility now, all though Thor never talked about her anymore.

Technically Loki could be a candidate as well. He was fertile, even as a woman. If he had not used a contraception he would probably be with child right now. But he didn’t know if Thor really wanted to be with him or if he just wanted to keep his little brother out of trouble. More importantly, what did he himself want? Having power was nice, living in the palace even more. He already missed all the luxury. But did he really want to be with Thor for the rest of his life?

*

When the leaves changed colour and the temperature dropped, summer had passed and fall had set in. Loki was glad the heat was over. He had spent most of his time in the city, living as a common Asgardian. He had also wandered through the forest, a place he knew well and found peace and quiet. He thought a lot about what he wanted. He loved to be free and wander through the galaxy, but he loved being here on Asgard as well. It was safe and prosperous. He had to admit he missed his stupid oaf of a brother and he would hate to see him marry to someone else than him.

*

Thor was snoring when Loki entered his bedroom. Loki knew he only snored when he drank too much. He saw the malefactor standing on his nightstand, a bottle of one of Asgard’s strongest ale. Loki shook his head and sat down on the bed. When he called his brother’s name Thor turned around, but did not open his eyes.

‘Come to join me again, brother?’ he mumbled.

He was dreaming. Probably that stuff worked extremely well. Loki should have tried that. In the bathroom he wetted a towel and filled a glass with water. Once he laid the towel on Thor’s forehead, the big man awoke with a start.

Loki grinned and nodded towards the bottle. ‘Trouble sleeping, brother?’

Thor rubbed his eyes. ‘Loki?’ his voice was rough and his breath foul.

‘Drink’, Loki handed him the glass of water and watched how Thor gulped it down in one go.

Once Thor sobered up somewhat he looked at Loki with big eyes. He caressed his cheek. Loki wondered how such big hands like his could be so gentle.

‘Is it really you?’ he asked softly.

‘The one and only.’

Tears formed into Thor’s eyes. ‘Father he…’ Thor looked away.

‘I know. I was there.’

Thor turned his gaze to Loki. ‘You were?’

Loki nodded.

Thor took his hand. ‘I was worried. I thought I would never see you again.’

‘I never left. I stayed here on Asgard.’

‘Why didn’t you come to me sooner?’

Loki lowered his eyes. ‘I needed time to think.’ He stared to their joined hands. ‘You are king now’, Loki said while he looked back to his brother again. ‘How does it feel?’

‘Lonely’, Thor answered straightforward and laid his hand on his cheek. ‘I need someone by my side.’

Loki swallowed. He was not ready to broach that topic yet. ‘I need to show you something.’ 

Thor frowned when Loki showed him the lantern. An eerie red light filled the room.

‘It’s the Aether’, Loki explained. ‘I have got it. I remembered I stole it from the Collector right after Odin found out I pretended to be him. I stole it to use it as leverage and I will keep it for the same reason.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I never want to be caged again.’

‘Loki…’ Thor wanted to take his hand, but Loki didn’t let him

‘Never! Do you understand?!’

Thor looked startled, but nodded. ‘Yes.’

Loki let the lantern disappear again. ‘You probably don’t think it’s safe with me, but…’

Thor sat on his knees. ‘I do, I trust you.’

Loki laughed mockingly. ‘Don’t be a fool, Thor. You know me.’

‘Yes, I do. You are my little brother. I love you and want to be with you.’

‘Do you mean that?’

‘Of course I do. Why don’t you believe me?’

Loki placed his hands in front of his eyes and shook his head. He didn’t know why he did not believe his brother. Perhaps the past had ruined him. But he wanted to believe him, he wanted it so badly.

Thor took him in his arms. ‘Loki, will you marry me?’

Loki burst into tears and pressed himself closer to Thor’s chest. He asked. He finally _really_ asked! He did not know how much he had wanted to have Thor say those words until now.

Thor soothed him gently. ‘Loki?’

‘On one condition’, Loki said after he calmed down a little. ‘The women in Fensalir get proper training. They need to defend themselves.’

Thor softly wiped the tears from Loki’s cheeks. ‘I didn’t know you actually cared about them.’

‘I surprise myself too sometimes.’

Thor smiled. ‘Who did you have in mind?’

‘Sif and myself of course.’

Thor nuzzled through his hair. ‘Who said you have time for that?’

‘Don’t forget, you make me king as well.’

‘You haven’t said the word yet.’

When Thor’s striking blue eyes met his green, Loki’s heart began to beat faster. He suddenly lost his voice and swallowed hard. ‘Yes’, he managed to say quick and placed his arms around Thor’s neck. ‘I will’, he whispered.

Thor’s arms rapidly closed around him and their lips met in a kiss.

*

Loki looked at himself in the mirror and turned his head from one side to another. He left Thor sleeping when he sneaked to the dressing room. He wanted to look at his crown again. It looked so majestic! The crown was made of gold. The green Serendibite Thor found in the realm of the dwarfs was placed in the middle arc. The other eight arcs held smaller emeralds.

Loki smiled. He was king now. Thor and he wed today. Now the whole realm knew he was Åse. Thor first wanted to wait until this day to reveal Åse’s real identity, but Loki could convince him not to. The shock effect would be too much. He would rather have stayed Åse in public life though. She had no nasty past and was well loved, but Thor didn’t want his brother to hide any longer.

Because the wedding could only take place after the palace was restored to her old glory, they had time to introduce Loki to everyone. Thor’s friends were the first to meet him, followed by the guards and court members. Their respond was cool, but polite and respectful. Loki also paid the women in Fensalir a visit. Apart from Sigyn they all responded pretty well. Sigyn was angry. She felt betrayed. Loki couldn’t blame her, but he had come to appreciate her friendship and hoped she would forgive him in time. Luckily she still wanted to be his table companion at his wedding.

The wedding itself was a bore though. The best part was when he saw his crown for the first time. He had hoped Thor would give him the gem and he had done so in the best possible way. During the banquet Thor had a lot of fun with his friends while Sigyn and he hardly talked to each other. The dance was awful as well. He constantly had to remind Thor not to look at his feet, but to his partner’s face. But when Thor did as he said, he stepped on Loki’s feet and had to apologise again.

Loki was glad when it was time to go to bed. Although he forgot it was their wedding night and a whole ritual preceded it. They were separated and both were washed, combed, dressed and finally put back together in the bedroom again. Thor drank heavily from the wine, while Loki was lying under the sheets trying hard to keep his eyes open.

The sex was not spectacular. It was as if they never had been intimate before. Thor was nervous, while Loki actually wanted to sleep. Loki changed into his female form to make it easier for him, even though they had been sleeping together as males before. Loki was glad when it was over and Thor had fallen into sleep.

Loki startled when two big arms were placed around his waist. He looked at Thor through the mirror. He was naked as well. Thor ran with his hands down his chest to his midsection. He wasn’t nervous now!

‘What are you doing?’ Thor asked with a low voice while he kissed Loki’s neck.

Loki sighed and pressed his back against Thor’s pelvis while Thor stroked his cock. He closed his eyes when Thor kissed the sensitive spot behind his ear.

‘Look at yourself’, Thor commanded.

Loki opened his eyes and saw Thor’s hand running up and down. Thor’s hard cock pressed against his back and he moved along with Thor’s strokes to stimulate his brother as well.

‘Fuck me, Thor’, Loki moaned.

Thor kissed him upon his shoulder. ‘Where? Here?’

‘No, the bed.’

Swiftly Thor lifted him into his arms. Loki placed one arm around his brother’s neck, while with the other hand he held his crown.

He grinned. ‘Let’s see if this crown is fuck-proof.’


End file.
